


About first times

by taeiyoowon



Category: Hoppipolla (Korea Band), 슈퍼밴드 | Superband (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, and they were DADS, just hoppipolla being the cutest family what's new
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-01-13 11:33:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21243413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeiyoowon/pseuds/taeiyoowon
Summary: A collection of short stories about Jinho, his sons and how Jeonghun slowly becomes part of the family. From the first time he meets the two boys to Youngso's first concert and everything in between.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: i will not discuss what it means to have two dads in todays society and i don't really know where they live tbh ?? i just really wanted to write about them being a cute family, so sorry if it bothers you. Let's say it's in a parallel universe where having two musician dads is okay and there is like no borders or something :) oh and sorry about the grammar mistakes, english is not my first language and i have like half of a braincell,,

To say Jeonghun was nervous was an understatement. He had not eaten in what felt like days, every breath he took seemed shorter than the last one and he was pretty sure his heart was going to beat out of his chest any second now.

« You know they won’t kill you right ? » asked Jinho as he took a quick glance from the driver’s seat.

« They could hate me, that’s way worst ! » whined Jeonghun, letting his head fall against the leather head-rest.

At that, a small smile bloomed on Jinho’s face and a chuckle escaped his lips. Without even opening his eyes, Jeonghun lightly pushed Jinho before letting his hand fall in the space between the two front seats. He knew he was overreacting. Jinho had told him a thousand times his two boys were always happy to meet strangers, even if it was clear that one of them was better at expressing it. And it’s not like they didn’t know who he was either. Jinho had already talked about him a lot with them, saying he had met someone and wanted to introduce this very important person to the two most important people in his life.

Even if he knew all of this, it felt like it was more than meeting two little boys and trying to get along with them. It felt like being an intruder bursting the safe bubble Jinho had built with so much patience and love. It felt like if this failed, if Jeonghun was not good enough and the two boys made it clear that he was not welcomed, then what they had, him and Jinho, would be over. Jinho loved his sons too much, Jeonghun just couldn’t compete. He was not even trying to.

He had known from the start that Jinho had children and it had never been a problem, of course. But now, only a few minutes before meeting whom he knew would be two angels, judging by who raised them, he was starting to reconsider everything. Not reconsidering the fact that Jinho and him were made for each other or that dating someone with kids was a good choice; just reconsidering if he was enough. What if he wasn’t the best person for Jinho and his sons ? What if they needed someone older ? What if-

Suddenly his hand wasn’t empty anymore and it wasn’t between the seats either. Jinho had took it in his own and was now playing with his fingers, while their joined hands were resting on his laps.

“You’re over thinking aren’t you ?” Jinho asked as they were taking the corner leading to his apartment. “You’re the optimist in this relationship and I need you to be just that right now, okay ?”

Jeonghun finally opened his eyes and turned his head slightly, just enough to see Jinho’s profile surrounded by the blurry light of the lamp posts. He liked these quite moments when Jinho was focused on the road and he was focused on Jinho. His piercing eyes, his sharp nose, the way he always talked calmly, the volume of his voice sometimes as soft as a whisper, Jeonghun was taking everything in to give himself the courage to do what he knew was the most important step in their fairly new relationship.

Before he could even think twice, they were in the elevator, the one they always took after going out for diner. Just like the other nights, Jinho’s sister would be the one answering the door and letting them in. Just like the other nights they would talk a bit and then she would leave, asking Jeonghun to take care of his big brother. Except it was not like any other night. This time it was barely seven pm and the two little boys were not asleep yet.

Jinho took Jeonghun’s hand in his again and walked confidently toward the door of his apartment. It took less than twenty seconds for the door to open but it was enough for Jeonghun to see that a bit of gold paint was coming off of the 28 glued to the door. That’s how intently he was staring at it. And then the 28 was replaced by Jinho’s sister’s face and it’s like Jeonghun’s body was moving on his own. He took his shoes off, greeted Jinho’s sister and put his jacket on top of Jinho’s, just like any other time. During this familiar ceremony, Jeonghun heard Jinho say “Hyunsang ! Youngso ! come say hi to Jeonghun please !”. Seconds after that, the sound of feet hitting the wooden floor could be heard from the entrance. Judging by the rapidity with which they were getting closer, at least on of the boys was running, full speed running. As he rounded the corner that led to the living room, Yougso, the youngest of the two, clearly overestimating how safe it was to run with socks on, slipped and fell on his bottom, his little hands coming behind his back last second to save him from hitting his head.

Jeonghun, in something close to a Pavlovian response, took the first step to run to the child, ready to comfort him as soon as he started crying. However, before he could even take the second one, a hand was on his forearm, keeping him from going further. Astonishment clear in his eyes, Jeonghun watched Youngso get back on his feet with not a single tear shed. As if nothing had happened, he was running again before jumping in his father’s arms.

As soon as Youngso was pressed to Jinho’s chest, he buried his face in the crook of his dad’s neck, saying something Jeonghun was not able to hear from where he was standing awkwardly. Since father and son seemed to have their own little moment, Jeonghun decided it was time for him to go seat in the living room. He turned on his heels and immediately made eye contact with whom could only be Hyunsang, the six years old boy he heard so much about. The child was hiding behind the wall with just his head and his hand poking from the edge, curious eyes fixed on Jeonghun.

Without thinking too much, after all it led him nowhere until then, Jeonghun got closer to Hyunsang and, while crouching a bit, asked “So you must be Hyunsang, right ?”. He swore he had worn his friendliest smile but before he could even regret asking such a stupid question - because _of course_ the boy was Hyunsang – the child was already gone.

His heart was starting to act up again when he felt a hand on his lower back, soothing him with circular patterns over the fabric of his tee shirt. Jinho, with Youngso still balanced on one of his arms, smiled at him when they made eye contact.

“Don’t worry, he’s just a bit shy. He likes to look from afar first, doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.” he said as his hand remained on the small of Jeonghun’s back.

Jeonghun tried to mirror Jinho’s reassuring smile the best he could and breathed deeply a couple of times to calm his heart.

“Oh and about Yougso earlier; he has been falling on his butt every single day for the past 3 years. Everytime he greets me he runs, and every single time he falls sooner or later. He always get up though, his bottom must be made of steel or something.” Jinho added.

That made Jeonghun laugh a little. The mere thought of being greeted with this scene every single evening was funny to him. Maybe he could add this detail to the lengthy and somehow very detailed scenarios he sometimes made up at 2 am when he couldn’t sleep. Of course Jeonghun sometimes tried to imagine what it was like to have children. Sure, he had nieces and nephews, but the truth is that he could only visit them briefly and when they were there, he only had to be the cool uncle anyway. Having kids of your own and taking care of them every single day, whether you feel tired or not, was something else entirely. Jeonghun was aware that he couldn't even grasp how much work it was, but he sometimes tried anyway. He would lay down in bed, more often than not after coming back from Jinho’s apartment, and he tried to imagine. Tried to imagine waking up next to Jinho at seven in the morning on a SUNDAY because Youngso had jumped on their bed screaming he wanted to eat cereals. He didn’t even know if Youngso liked cereals or if he ever screamed, but he tried to imagine. Tried to imagine coming back from work, exhausted and left with little to no will, and having to prepare a real meal for the two boys, not just a cup of ramyeon for himself. Sometimes, he ended up thinking he wasn’t made for this. Most of the time he just thought he would do anything to keep Jinho by his side.

“Jeonghun, yesterday Hyunbin ate an ant at school and then someone said it to our teacher and she was really mad at him.”

Jeonghun truly believed he never moved his head as fast as he did just by the mention of his name. The little voice was clearly coming from the head pressed against Jinho’s shoulder, turned just enough for the pouty lips to be free from the fabric of his tee shirt. Youngso wasn’t really smiling at him but he wasn’t shying away either. He was just waiting for an answer. An answer that came something close to a thousand years later because Jeonghun was just _that_ surprised.

“I once ate an entire crayon because it smelled like strawberry.” was the only thing his mind came up with. To be honest he wasn’t even sure if it was a real memory or if he had totally made it up over time.

Youngso scrunched his button nose in disgust. “That’s disgusting ! You should come here often and my dad will make you real food.”

A real smile finally made his way to Jeonghun’s face while hearing these words. Maybe he wasn’t helpless after all, maybe he would be able to be what these children needed.

“If he ever eats a crayon because he remembered your words and the teacher asks for a meeting like she did with Hyunbin’s dad, Jibeom, I swear to god you will be the one going.” Jinho whispered to him as he passed him to go to the kitchen.

Nevermind.

Jinho prepared something simple but tasty and they all eventually sat down around the kitchen table, classical music playing from somewhere in the living room. Other than that, the room was filled by Youngso’s voice. It was clear that Hyunsang and Jinho had heard his stories a hundred times already. Jinho was nodding slightly, letting out little “oh”s and “ah”s at the right time to show his interest to his son. Hyunsang was just looking at his diner, playing with the noodles in his plate, sometimes looking up to observe Jeonghun but always averting his eyes when the man tried to smile at him. Jeonghun, however had never heard about that one time Youngso fell from the swing at the park or how he once saw a dog on a bicycle. He was interacting with him without even thinking about what he should say or do. His little surprised “noooo” and “wooow” were genuine and it seemed to please Youngso who couldn’t stop smiling and making big gestures, noodles flying all over the table in the process. Jeonghun himself was smiling, almost forgetting how hungry he was and how good Jinho’s dish looked.

When all their plates had been emptied, Hyunsang took Youngso by the hand and all but dragged him out of the kitchen even if he wanted to tell more stories. It seemed like, once again, this was part of a ritual Jeonghun was not aware of. It all felt so foreign but Jeonghun felt like he was ready to learn all the custom of this house and the language their daily life was.

By the time Youngso and Hyunsang were sat on the living room floor, playing with whatever toys were out, Jinho was already in front of the sink, ready to wash the dishes.

“You cooked, I can do the dishes you know !” said Jeonghun as he got closer to Jinho, ready to put his arms around his waist. Just before his torso came in contact with Jinho’s back, he stopped himself and looked in the kids’ direction, suddenly not sure if he was allowed to do that in front of them. As if he could read his mind, Jinho turned around and placed a small peck on his lips, short but meaningful. It said “Of course you can be my boyfriend in front of them it’s just two people loving each other.” in the form of sweet lips on his.

Jinho got back to his task and while he was putting his rubber gloves on, said “You can join them if you want. You can also put your music on the speakers, I think the kids are sick of hearing the symphony i’m working on for my concert.”

“Oh you mean the one I heard at least a hundred times this week alone ?” Jeonghun laughed, placing a small kiss on Jinho’s cheek just because he could.

“Yeah this one. If you’re tired after seeing me 3 times this week, imagine how tired they are.”

“I will make it a duty to distract them with new music and my super cool impersonation of the donkey in Shrek then !” Jeonghun said, already on his way to the living room as he was sure Jinho would protest about the impersonation part.

Jinho sat on the sofa and watched the two boys play a fight between their Transformers and quietly thought about which song he could play first. Since it was the evening, it had to be calm enough in order to not get the kids all worked up. After all, from what he knew, they were supposed to go to bed in less than an hour. Sounds of explosion made by little mouths became background noises as he scrolled through his playlist and finally choose to play a song he was loving these days.

_Even if I’m leaving you at the door _

_Even when I know that you’re never lonely _

Suddenly a pair of eyes was fixed on him, not even avoiding eye contact like it did all evening. Hyunsang was watching him with round eyes full of wonder. His lips were also slightly moving without doing a sound. As Jeonghun watched him more intently, he realized the boy was mouthing the lyrics under his breath.

“Do you know this song Hyunsang ?” he asked, surprise clear in his voice.

Hyunsang shook his head and very slowly, just like the sun rise in the sky every morning, a smile appeared on his lips. In a matter of seconds, Hyunsang was beaming at him.

“Do you want me to play the guitar to this song , maybe ?” Jeonghun asked, feeling it was the perfect opportunity to initiate conversation with the shy child.

If Jeonghun thought Hyunsang’s smile couldn’t get any bigger, he was proved wrong when his eyes lit up even more at the proposition. In no time Hyunsang was up and walking fast enough to surprise his little brother who was now looking at him with big eyes. He made his way to the kitchen and pulled his dad’s shirt to get his attention. Jeonghun could faintly hear Hyunsang ask Jinho if they had a guitar somewhere with pouty lips. He could also hear the smile in Jinho’s voice when he answered that they did not and that Jeonghun would have to come back with his own an other day.

With resolve in his steps and on his face, Hyunsang came back in front of Jeonghun and, with his back really straight like he was stating something very important and official said “My dad said you have to come back to play the song with your guitar. Also how many guitars do you have ? Could I see them and or touch them ?”

As he was speaking, Hyunsang was slowly loosing all the courage he had mustered to talk to Jeonghun and was starting to play with his fingers, avoiding Jeonghun’s eyes more and more.

“I would love to come back with one of my guitars and play 1000x for you, but only if you want me to.” Jeonghun said, voice soft as if he was afraid to scare the boy.

“I would really like that, mister.” said Hyunsang, voice as soft as Jeonghun’s.

As Youngso was screaming “His name is Jeonghun !” as many time as it would take for him to be noticed by someone, Hyunsang and Jeonghun intertwined their pinkies, a silent promise that there would be an other time. Jeonghun would come back to this house, when the kids are awake and the sun is setting behind the windows. He would come back and maybe find a little spot for himself in this safe bubble he wanted to call home someday.


	2. FIRST DINER AT JIBEOM’S

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's me, AGAIN. So this chapter is already a break from what this collection was supposed to be FXCBDCS. I just really needed to get this out of my system and i'm honestly so attached to Jibeom's little family now omg. Anyway i hope you will enjoy these 2500 words of me thinking i'm a funny writer. 
> 
> also, a big BIG thank you to dani (@Younglopls on twitter) for this amazing and very, very cute fanart of the little hoppi family !!

“For the last time Jogon, let your brother go ! If I have to tell you one more time, no band meeting this week !”

Jinho released his hand from the tight embrace of Hyunsang’s own and knocked on the door three times, gently enough not to be rude, but with enough force in order to be heard over the yells that could be heard from the other side of the door. It seemed to do the trick because a few seconds later, the door was open to show a visibly stressed but, as always, cheerful Jibeom. Well, open but not entirely as something was obviously in the way.

“This kid I swear…. Have kids they said, it will be fun they said.” Jibeom muttered under his breath as three pair of eyes were following his every movement.

Jinho had taken Hyusang’s hand in his again and was now waiting awkwardly at the entrance, his two sons visibly as unsure as him about what to do. Eventually, Jibeom lifted his head again after placing a black case beside the shoe rack.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry about the mess but Jogon just came back from his guitar lessons and he never, ever listens to me when I ask him to put said guitar in his room.” ranted Jibeom as he dusted his perfectly cleaned and ironed checked trousers, neatly maintained with yellow suspenders. “Anyway...Hi !”

Jinho smiled and reassured him it was totally fine and that he knew what it was like even if he didn’t really. None of his sons were old enough to take music lessons yet and nothing was misplaced in his house, but you know, no need to tell that to an already anxious dad. Jibeom, finally gestured for them to get in and they all took off their shoes. Jibeom offered Jinho to wear his extra pair of reindeer slippers which he put on because, if Jinho had one flaw, it was that he didn’t know how to say no.

With that, they all entered the living room, which was obviously...lived in. Toys, probably owned by Hyunbin, the youngest of the two sons, were scattered on the floor and in front of the TV. A Buzz Lightyear was hanging awkwardly by his foot from the lamp in the right corner. There were also a lot of books, at least three hundreds of them, aligned on big shelves along one of the walls. Other than that, the only word Jinho could think of to describe this apartment was homie. It felt like home and you just wanted to get comfortable even if you had only spent 10 minutes there. As he was looking around, he could hear Jibeom try to gather as much things as he could to hide them in one of the cupboard under the TV. He was also calling for his sons who were probably still fighting somewhere in the apartment.

As Jinho, Hyunsang and Youngso were kindly invited to sit on the couch, footsteps could be heard in the corridor that probably led to the bedrooms. Jogon, a fifteen years old wearing trendy specs, arrived in the living room carrying his brother potato bag style. Hyunbin was moving his legs and hitting his clenched fists on his brother’s back, trying desperately to get free from his hold. In a blink of an eye, Jogon switched to his “there are guests” persona and let his brother go, putting him on the floor not so gently. He then ran to Hyunsang, ruffling his hair before saying, a huge smile on his face “I’m so happy my favourite kid in the whole wild world is here.” before sticking his tongue out at his little brother.

“Dad look what Jogon is doing !” Hyunbin screamed, an accusing finger pointing at the culprit.

“Hyunbin, don’t scream, there are guests ! And say hi, please !” Jibeom said as he finally banged the door of the cupboard before anything could fall out of it.

“Hi please !” exclaimed Hyunbin before sitting next to a very quiet and very still Youngso.

Jibeom shook his head at that while Jinho let out a quiet laugh. This was going to be an interesting night.

  


They first met during one of those parents-teacher meetings. Hyunbin and Youngso were in the same class and Jibeom’s appointment was the one just after Jinho’s one. As always, it was taking longer than expected with some parents, which led to four of them waiting patiently in the corridor. Jibeom, sited just next to Jinho , leaned in his direction.

“Which one is yours ?” he said, doing a little head motion in the general direction of the pictures pinned on the opposite wall.

“The fourth one from the left.” Jihno said as he looked at Youngso’s huge grin.

“He looks like a chick.” Jibeom said in a chuckle. Realizing what he just said, the man sat back straight immediately. “I mean, in a cute way, I’m not saying your boy looks like a farm animal or something...”

It was Jinho’s time to let out a chuckle.

“And which one is yours may I ask ?” Jinho said, genuinely curious to know which child had such an eccentric dad.

Jinho briefly thought that he couldn’t remember seeing this man in the school corridors, ever. He would have remembered a muscular guy with a mustache and this much tattoos. Jinho could only imagine how different they looked sited next to one another. Jinho couldn’t remember the last time he had worn anything but pastel colours or neutral tone while Jibeom was wearing a bright red beanie and an electric blue bag. Jinho was sitting with his back straight, something that came with being a cellist and how his parents raised him, while Jibeom was slouching on his chair, his legs spread wide enough for one of his knee to touch Jinho’s.

Jibeom’s voice made Jinho come back to the conversation : “The one who looks like a broccoli !” he said as if it was the easiest and most accurate way to describe his 3 years old child.

Jinho turned his head toward him, a puzzled expression on his face. Jibeom turned his head, equally as puzzled by Jinho’s expression.

“He does though ! Third from the right, last row. I swear to god I don’t know where this hair is coming from ! His mother had very straight hair and I do too. Well, when I _have_ hair at least.” Jibeom said as he put his hand on his shaved head.

_His mother had_. So no mom anymore. Jinho immediately felt a connection with the man sited next to him. Even if they were obviously very different, from their fashion style to their personality, he felt like something linked them now. Being a single dad hadn’t been a choice and it wasn’t one for Jibeom either probably. Whatever the reason was, Jibeom had, just like Jinho, raised his son alone, had to do everything from drying his tears to running after him in the grocery store. No break, no “can _you_ do it for this time ?”, nothing.

“I hope Hyunbin didn’t say anything embarrassing about me. I swear this kid always makes up stories and then goes around telling people we have people hidden in the closet at home or that I once made them eat plastic. Which I didn’t ! Yes the meat was a little burned but it didn’t taste like plastic.” Jibeom was back on his rant, looking at the pictures on the wall and making little circles, one thumb around the other. “And to add to his already overflowing imagination, his brother is always telling him stories before going to sleep and those are always so detailed that Hyunbin believe it’s true and then I’m the one who has to tell him there is no fairies living behind the bushes at the park-”

Jinho would never cut someone mid sentence normally but curiosity took the best of him and he felt like the man, from how relaxed and friendly he was, wouldn’t mind.

“You have an other son ?” he asked, wondering if he could be a potential friend for Hyunsang.

“Oh yeah, Jogon. Fifteen, doesn’t look like a broccoli but sometimes smells like one. Seriously are teenage boys afraid of showers or something ?”

Jinho laughed for the second time in the last 5 minutes, not something very common in his life, except for when he was with his closest friends, family or his precious sons. Yes Hyunsang and Youngso were, very objectively, the funniest people Jinho ever met.

“I don’t know, my oldest son is only six and he still showers.”

Jibeom rolled his eyes as to say “Lucky you. Appreciate this while it lasts” and then smiled the friendliest and warmest smile Jinho had ever seen. Then he thought about what he learned for a bit. Jibeom’s sons were born twelve years apart which was already an odd thing, but really, what surprised Jinho the most was that Jogon was fifteen. Jibeom couldn’t be older than 35 years old, which meant he became a father way younger than Jinho and way younger than most people. The cellist admired Jibeom a bit more.

Eventually Youngso’s teacher called Jinho’s name and he had to left Jibeom on his plastic chair with an apologetic smile and a quick bow. They didn’t exchange names or numbers, not sure they would ever see each other again but Jinho felt like if this was meant to happen, then it would.

A few weeks later, a barbecue was organized by a few parents from school and Jinho found Jibeom there, his little broccoli boy on his laps, asking for meat every two minutes, the rest of the time spent looking around and pointing at anything and everything with big eyes. Jinho decided he wanted to be friend with Jibeom, just seeing each other in the hallway and exchanging knowing smiles sounded reassuring to him. He sat down next to the stylish dad with Youngso in his arms and Hyunsang clutching his shirt, hiding being his back.

“Youngso, Hyunsang, say hi to Jibeom and Hyunbin please.”

Both boys let out shy “hello”s before hiding again.

“Youngso, you must recognize Hyunbin right ? He is in your class.” Jinho asked to his son who was now hiding his face in the crook of his neck. He eventually murmured a little yes and raised his head in Hyubin’s direction when his dad patted his back.

“Youngso do you want to go to the fairies bush with me ? My brother said they were real and Jogon is almost in high school so he knows many things !” Hyunbin said while searching for Youngso’s eyes.

That seemed to interest Youngso a lot because in no time he was on his feet and following the other 3 years old somewhere in the park where their dads could still see them. Hyunsang took the opportunity to seat on his dad’s laps and didn’t left while Jibeom and Jinho were talking casually. He started playing with his dad’s hands and then found a pencil and started drawing on the paper tablecloth. Eventually they started talking about their older sons and after Jinho praised Hyunsang for his good results in school and his early interest in music, he asked about Jogon.

“He’s somewhere around here with his best friend Junhyeop. They’re in a band together ! I guess music runs in both of our families.” Jibeom winked at Jinho and then turned to Hyunsang.

“Which instrument do you want to learn little guy ?” he asked to the still drawing child.

“Guitar, and piano, and I want to sing.” simply answered Hyunsang as it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Wow, I was expecting something like violin or the flute with a father like yours. That’s cool, maybe he’ll end up doing jazz !” Jinho laughed at that and said his son could do anything he wanted as long as it made him happy, an answer that seemed to satisfy Jibeom.

Jogon came back to their table a while after, followed by his friend and with a guitar case on his back. As soon as Hyunsang saw this detail, he was alert and watching Jogon’s every movement. The teenager must have felt eyes on him and especially on his back because he eventually paused what he was doing and smiled at Hyunsang who didn’t shy away from how fascinated he seemed to be.

“Do you want to try to play a little, little guy ?” asked Jogon. Truly his father’s son.

Jinho had never seen Hyunsang say yes this quickly before, not even when he was asked if he wanted to go to a bakery after school. Soon enough, he was on Jogon’s laps who was now trying to teach him a few things, knowing way too well that Hyunsang wouldn’t remember a thing by the next week. But the boy was smiling so much and seemed so eager to learn that everyone around was now watching them and quietly smiling at Hyunsang’s cute frowning face.

Watching his son, Jinho knew he would have to buy him a guitar sooner or later and that, even if Jogon was 9 years older than Hyunsang, they could really become friends. The teenager could become the older brother Hyunsang didn’t have but sometimes desperately needed. Jinho felt like his son sometimes needed to be guided even if he was a very independent boy. He had to become someone to rely on for Youngso at a young age but when they were alone, just Jinho and his first born son, he could feel that he sometimes needed to be the baby of the family again. Maybe Jogon could help with that.

  


After diner, they all came back to the living room and listened to some music, Jogon deciding not to go back to his room and to play some guitar with Hyunsang. The two youngest boys were playing with Hyunbin’s toys and laughing at things only they could understand.

Jibeom, his half finished glass of wine still in hands, lied back in the couch and turned his head in Jinho’s direction. The cellist was watching his son play the guitar with so much pride and fondness that Jibeom couldn’t help but stare a little. Founding someone who could understand what it was to be a single dad with two boys at home felt good. But underneath all of that, Jibeom knew that, just like him, Jinho was lacking something. He probably needed someone to love that was not his children, someone to talk to about something that wasn’t related to them. Suddenly he thought about something.

“Would you like to come to an event one of my friends is organizing next week end ?” Jibeom asked to Jinho who turned his head in surprise. “His name is Benji, very cool guy. He knows a lot of musicians around the city. There will probably be at least 30 of us but if you don’t mind meeting new people...”

“I would love to.” Jinho simply replied before thinking too much.

“Great !” Jibeom said with the biggest smile on his face. “Just wait to see Jeonghun’s impersonation of the Donkey in Shrek, you’re gonna die laughing, I swear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING ILY !! if you don't want to leave a comment on here i will really appreciate if you would come and scream at me on twitter ( @yootaeiwon). Lots of kisses.


	3. A COLLECTION OF FIRST TIMES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there ! i'm back with more (A LOT MORE) wholesome content!!! idk how i feel about it, but enjoy :)))  
btw here is the link to the playlist i created for this fic : https://open.spotify.com/user/11168972078/playlist/3qfRRAR4iJ4u36ZWibBfRX?si=1JhdtoQLSVWHSq7rfg7_-A

The cottage Benji had rented for the weekend was nice, very nice, the pool outside a pleasant addition to the spacious indoor space and the beautiful garden. Benji and his friends were here for the weekend and they had decided to invite some of their other friends to spend the first evening there with them. Overall, thirty or more men were now gathered in the living room or the garden, chatting with one another while eating barbecue and drinking beer. Jeonghun, the cool summer evening breeze grazing his cheeks and forearms ,was talking to Hyungwoo and Juhyuk. They were not far from the barbecue where Benji was desperately trying to cook enough for everyone and laughters could be heard from where Chansol, Isaac and Woosung were.

It was nice.

They all knew each other, more or less. The music industry was a closed circle and they had all at least seen each other at venues or at the studio, some of them had even worked together in the past, like Jeonghun and Hyungwoo for example. However, they never really gathered all in one place like that. Maybe because they were just acquaintance for most of them. Maybe because they were all too busy.

_ **When I was six years old I broke my leg  
I was running from my brother and his friends** _

“Oh my god that’s my song !” screamed Jeonghun as if they were in the middle of a frat party and not a barbecue with grown men.

Hyungwoo exchanged a knowing look with Juhyuk and then with Chansol from across the garden, a silent “here we go again” between all of them.

Jeonghun got up from the chair he was sitting on and, with his beer bottle as a microphone, started to sing the song he knew by heart. As the chorus came closer, all eyes turned to him, some of them knowing what will happen, some of them curious about why people naturally shifted toward him. Jeonghun had started to bounce his leg to the rhythm and was now preparing for his signature move, his arm slowly rising. As he was watching the sky in a dramatic fashion, the “over the castle on the hill” hit and, with determination in his eyes, Jeonghun watched straight ahead, his arm outstretched before him.

That’s the exact moment he met eyes with a man he had never seen before. Next to said man, Jibeom was already loosing it, laughing so much his eyes were watering. Jeonghun took a quick glance around, understanding that everyone was just watching him, not a sound being made over the song blasting through the speakers. He turned his head back to Jibeom and his friend. Somehow, even if he could feel himself becoming as red as the cups on the table, he couldn’t bring himself to look away from the man across the garden.

“Well I’m sorry for the late arrival but I’m glad we were quick enough to witness this.” Jibeom said as he made a greeting sign to Benji.

Jeonghun slowly lowered his arms but not his eyes, not yet. It was like he had to understand what the stranger was thinking about seeing a 27 years old man doing a whole performance on Castle on the Hill in the middle of a summer barbecue. As if the older man, he looked older than most of them, could feel eyes on him, he slowly put his attention back on Jeonghun and offered him a reassuring and kind smile in the form of a slight curve of his lips. Jeonghun took it as a cue to advert his eyes and finally lowered his gaze and himself, plopping on his chair.

“You never learn from your mistakes, do you ?” Chansol asked as he came closer to the trio. Jeonghun huffed as an answer. “This was so funny I swear ! You were so engrossed in your performance and Jibeom’s friend was just there, looking so lost and confused.”

“Don’t worry I already told him about your Donkey impersonation and Jinho couldn’t wait to see it.” Jibeom said as they were walking in their direction.

“I didn’t say anything about the Donkey impersonation.” Jinho said, matter-of-factly.

“That’s true, he didn’t. Anyway, this is Jinho, amazing cellist and cooker.” Jibeom added.

Jinho waved at them, his shy smile back on his face. Jeonghun liked that smile. As the others carried on with the conversation, Jeonghun took his time to look more closely at Jinho. A cellist. It somehow showed from how he carried himself, straight back and graceful movements. If he closed his eyes he could almost picture him on a stage with his cello balanced on his shoulder. Jinho somewhat looked like someone Jeonghun could never be friend with. He was out of this world, out of Jeonghun’s “i sing in the middle of parties and sometimes I forgot to do the laundry” world. He looked like he had his life figured out and would never, ever leave a dirty sock on the floor of his bathroom. Two things Jeonghun couldn’t relate to. As Jeonghun noticed that Jinho’s pale pink shirt was nicely falling on his shoulders and that he was wearing very nice shoes, Hyungwoo lightly hit his shoulder to bring him back to reality.

“Jeonghun, I said do you want an other beer or not ?” Hyungwoo said as he was getting up, his and Junhyuk’s empty bottles in hand.

Jeonghun shook his head and got back to looking at Jinho’s face only to be met with that close mouthed smile again. Pretty.

After that, they somehow parted ways for what was probably an hour but felt a lot longer to Jeonghun. He felt like tonight would probably be the only time he would ever see Jinho and he was hitching to ask him questions about his life like he would do with someone from a different planet. “Where do you live ?”, “What is the first thing you do in the morning ?”, “Are you more of a cereal first or a milk first kind of person ?”, things like that.

But like the amazing and totally unreachable person he was, Jinho had been busy being introduced by Jibeom to everyone. Around him, people were all smiles and starry eyes. Jinho seemed used to having this effect on people, as he was not shying away from the attention and the questions.

Later that night, when Jeonghun came back from the bathroom, he found Jinho seated by himself, quietly looking at what was happening around. This was Jeonghun’s only chance, he knew it. Forgetting about how tired and ready to go home he was, the singer slowly came closer to the cellist and eventually sat down on the chair next to his. Now that he was here, he didn’t even know what to say or what to do. A well thought plan once again. All the questions coming to him were way too weird, even _he_ knew that. Small talk was the only option if he didn’t want to be registered as a creep along with a clown in Jinho’s mind.

“How did you met Jibeom ? Seems like you work in two very different environments.” Jeonghun finally asked, stuttering a bit.

“We didn’t meet at work. His son is in the same class as mine.” the other man replied, still looking straight ahead.

Oh. So Jinho, the man Jeonghun had viewed as a sort of higher version of a human being, had a child. Jinho had a real life, with real problems and real things to do, not just being his amazing self and play the cello all day. That was something. After that, the conversation flew more naturally, as if knowing Jinho was a dad made everything easier. It wasn’t because Jeonghun could relate in any way because he didn’t have a child, didn’t really plan on having one for the next ten years or so. It just helped him remember that people are so much more than what you imagine them to be with just a look. Suddenly he wanted to know more about Jinho, but this time he had real questions to ask. He wanted to know what it was like to be a classical musician. He wanted to know if it was sometimes hard to have a career and people to take care of. Without knowing the reason why, he also wanted to know if he could be of any help. Then he remembered that his son probably had a very lovely mother to take care of him. Jinho wasn’t alone in this. Jeonghun felt stupid again. That seemed to happen a lot when he was around Jinho.

When Jinho took his phone out to check the time, Jeonghun saw his lockscreen, surprised to see not one, but two boys with boxy grins making v signs to the camera.

Without a second thought about being intrusive or rude, Jeonghun asked “Are these your sons ?”.

Jinho went from looking at his phone, to looking at Jeonghun’s face and then back at his phone again. A true smile bloomed on his face, warm and comforting in a way Jeonghun thought wasn’t possible. Even if the sun had set a long time ago, it felt like he was basking in it.

“Yes they are. Youngso and Hyunsang.” He was still smiling at his phone, mirroring almost perfectly the expression his boys had on the picture.

As if he was on autopilot, Jinho unlocked his phone and went to his gallery. Jeonghun couldn’t believe Jinho was about to show him more pictures of who were obviously the most important people in his life. Jinho scrolled up to find older pictures and then started showing them to a very attentive Jeonghun. His gallery was full of them. Even if he was swiping the pictures one by one, not a single picture of something else appeared on the screen. The only thing stopping the constant flow of pictures of his children were the occasional videos of them. Hyunsang and Youngso at the beach, Hyunsang and Youngso eating fries, Hyunsang and Youngso taking a bath, Hyunsang and Youngso in little suits in front of their dad’s concert poster, just a never ending flow of cuteness.

As Jinho was showing him a picture of Youngso putting flour everywhere while making cookies, Jeonghun laughed and said “Oh my god, their mother must have had a mental breakdown seeing this.”

Jinho suddenly stopped scrolling and turned his head, looking at Jeonghun until the younger turned his head too, feeling eyes on him. With an expression Jeonghun couldn’t really decipher, Jinho smiled at him, a new kind of smile, understanding but a bit sad. This one wasn’t Jeonghun’s favorite.

“She is no longer with us. It’s just me and them now.”

“Oh god, I’m so sorry.” stuttered Jeonghun, not sure about what to say and feeling like he should probably leave and never talk again, ever.

Jinho looked back at his phone and resumed his scrolling through his pictures. After several seconds of the heaviest silence Jeonghun had ever experienced, Jinho talked again. “It’s fine Jeonghun. I don’t mind talking about her and it’s normal to assume they have a mother. Well, they do obviously but she just isn’t there anymore.”

Jeonghun shook his head, still shameful. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing if he didn’t see Jinho again. This thought made him sadder than the thought of looking like a fool in front of him a hundred times.

Jinho closed the gallery app on his phone and opened the contact one. Jeonghun turned to him at that, only to see that Jinho was already looking at him.

“This song you sang earlier, I would like to learn it on the cello. Could we maybe meet so you could give me your advice ?”

The sunny smile was back. Jeonghun couldn’t say no to that.

They had agreed to meet at a cafe near the place Jinho trained at. Apparently it wasn’t far from his son’s school and it just made everything easier for him. Jeonghun liked to make things easier for Jinho.

So they had agreed about a 1pm meeting through text. Jinho was definitely the kind of text writer Jeonghun had pictured him to be: short answers, no emojies, points at the end of every sentences and no, not exclamation points, just regular ones. When Jeonghun had received his first “Yes. That would do.” he seriously started to believe Jinho hated him. He still did, just a bit. That didn’t help with the anxiety about their first meeting with just the two of them. Maybe Jinho just wanted advice and didn’t care if they were from Jeonghun, his sixty years old neighbour or the cashier at the supermarket. Jeonghun knew it was just in his head because Jinho had asked himself for these advice, even after Jeonghun had talked about his dead wife. Jeonghun entered the cafe knowing he could not do worst than that. He looked at himself on the glass door, put his best smile one, reassuring himself again and again that, after all, befriending Jinho maybe was an option.

The man was waiting for him at a table along one of the windows. He was wearing a brown blazer and glasses, thin black framed glasses. He looked amazing and Jeonghun was doomed, completely and utterly doomed. His smile faltered a bit before coming back full force when Jihno saw him and broke into the biggest grin Jeonghun has ever seen on him, expect from the one reserved for his sons.

“I’m late, i’m sorry.” Jeonghun said as his eyes stopped on the half empty iced americano on the table.

“Oh no, not at all ! I’m just always early.” Jinho reassured him as he gestured for Jeonghun to take a seat.

“Of course you are...” Jeonghun murmured under his breath so Jinho wouldn’t hear him.

The singer put his guitar case next to the table, sat on the chair facing Jinho and tried not to think about Jinho with these glasses, Jinho and his perfectly styled hair, Jinho in general. At that moment, it basically meant having no thought at all. Wouldn’t be very different from their first meeting anyway.

“So you want to learn how to play Castle on the hill ?” Jeonghun said after ordering his latte.

“Yes. Well, I want to learn how to play pop songs in general. I’m just so used to play classical pieces, and to use scores, I don’t know where to begin.” Jinho started. “Plus I’m not very good at doing exciting stages. Your performance the other night made me thing you could also help with that.”

Jeonghun let out a laugh before ducking his head. A performance ? Jinho really saw him act ridiculous on Castle on the hill, a beer in his hand, the other one high in the sky and thought “Wow what a performance” ?

“That wasn’t a performance, just me being as dumb as ever.”

“I don’t think it was dumb. And you have a beautiful voice, that’s for sure.” Jinho said before taking a sip of his drink.

Was he always that blunt ? Was complimenting someone always that easy for him ? If so, Jeonghun was going to die soon, very soon. He could feel himself becoming red and decided he had to take off his cardigan to cool off.

“I wouldn’t take it off if I was you. The AC here is quite strong and you could get sick.” Jeonghun lifted his head, his cardigan already low on his shoulders.

“Be careful, your “i’m a dad” side is showing.” Jeonghun said.

Jinho laughed a little and decided to drop the matter. Jeonghun put his cardigan back on anyway.

Jeonghun had been wrong, talking to Jinho was easy. It was the easiest thing ever if you asked him. The man was a great listener and, well, Jeonghun loved to talk. He never seemed uninterested and always had questions to ask, questions Jeonghun was more than glad to answer. Their drinks had long been forgotten on the table, the ice cubes in Jinho’s americano almost all melted.

“I’m sorry, I’m talking too much aren’t I ?” Jeonghun asked in a chuckle, embarrassed about the fact that Jinho now knew everything from his favourite colour to the fact that he didn’t like to wear socks in bed.

“Absolutely not. I wouldn’t mind spending all afternoon here talking, but if we want to work a bit before I have to get the kids, we should get going.” Jinho said as he gathered his keys and his wallet to put them in his pockets.

They left the cafe together, Jeonghun a little behind Jinho, not familiar with the neighbourhood and having no idea about where they were going to begin with. After ten minutes or so, they eventually stopped in front of a tall building and Jinho took a card out of his pocket to enter. The inside looked like a music school and it probably was. A lot of rooms, from what Jenghun could see through the windows, were full of instruments and occasionally occupied by one or two students with their teacher. They stopped in front of a door after taking so many turns Jeonghun wasn’t sure he would be able to find the exit by himself.

As he opened the door, Jinho said “That’s where I come to practice for concerts and recital. It’s not big but it’s enough.”

The room wasn’t large but it was very neat and everything was in order, from the cello in his case in the left corner, to the various drinks lined up on a little table. Somewhat, with the sofa on the right and the warm light hanging from the celling, it felt like a second home, coming here on the daily didn’t sound terrible. It wasn’t like it would be the case for him of course, but he was glad Jinho had such a nice place to practice and work at.

After sitting on two chairs Jinho had brought to the center of the room, they started working on the song. Jeonghun would like to pretend he was relaxed during the entire session but that wasn’t true. He would forget with whom he was for two minutes, joking as he would do with any of his friends and the next minute, Jinho would get closer to see what was written on the sheets laid out in front of Jeoghun and he would just stop breathing. He was not think about Jinho with his glasses. He was not think about how nice he smelled or the way his hand felt on his knee when he put it there while looking at the sheets again. He was not.

The most challenging part had to be when he started singing, out of habit, and Jinho stopped playing to listen to him, his piercing gaze locked on him as if he could read his soul. That’s when Jeonghun understood that the hardest part wouldn’t be to become friends with Jinho, it would be to stay just that and be satisfied with it.

Two months later, Jinho and Jeonghun were still working together, meeting at least once a week, to make music, to talk, and sometimes drink if it was late and they were both tired. If it was this late, they would most likely eat together, Jinho laughing at Jeonghun for how much he could eat but always putting pieces of meat or vegetables in his plate anyway.

Every single attention or kind word Jinho had for him immediately made Jeonghun become a blushing mess. Always at a loss for words, not knowing if he should say thank you, compliment Jinho too or just start crying. It had happened a lot in the last two months. They would be in the practice room, tired from hours spent seated on a plastic chair and Jinho would turn to look at Jeonghun and would just say “You have the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard.” or “I like your hair when they’re longer like that.”. And it’s not like he would go back to what he was doing before, no, he would just stare at Jeonghun while he was agonizing, trying to find a way to escape Jinho’s gaze and all the feelings gathered somewhere deep inside.

Jeonghun, after so many weeks, was sure it was a dead end, nothing would ever happen and he was now trying to convince himself it was fine. Jinho as a friend was better than no Jinho at all. The younger was sure he had made his feelings clear. From the numerous times he gave his scarf to Jinho before going out, to the time he stared at him from the couch for an hour, doing nothing but watch him play the cello, admiration pouring out of his eyes like waterfalls. Every time he would do something like that, he felt like he could loose Jinho from how daring it was. But maybe it wasn’t enough, or maybe Jinho just didn’t want to act on it.

That night wasn’t anything particular. It was early November, the temperature dropping everyday, forcing them to wear thick sweaters. It was getting late, not so late that they had to go, knowing Jinho’s sister was waiting for him at his apartment, but late enough for the sun to have set already. Jeonghun felt exhausted. He wasn’t sleeping enough these days, gigs and meetings added to his weekly sessions with Jinho. Maybe that’s why, after putting his guitar against the wall, he turned to Jinho, who was writing something on his score, and said:

“Before I go, could you teach me how to play the cello ?”

Jinho turned his head in his direction, surprise clear on his face.

“Suddenly ?” he asked as he put his pencil on the table next to him.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I don’t want to become a cello player obviously, but knowing how to play just a little part of the easiest song you know sounds like fun.” Jeonghun said, feeling a little bit stupid now that he was saying it out loud.

He just didn’t want to go yet. Even if it was cold outside, he always felt so warm when he was in this room with Jinho. It was not thanks to the old heater in the room or his thick sweater, it was thanks to Jinho’s smile and the way he would look at him when he thought Jeonghun was not watching. He was tired and he just wanted to feel warm a little bit more before going to his cold apartment where no one was waiting for him except for his two plants and the half eaten pizza in his fridge.

Jeonghun’s pleading eyes and slight pout were enough to convince Jinho. The musician got up and placed his cello between Jeonghun’s legs, making sure he was handling it correctly before teaching him anything. After a slight pause during which he took a step back, hands on his hips, Jinho seemed satisfied as he nodded slightly and took a seat next to Jeonghyun again. From there, Jinho tried his best to help Jeonghun get the first few notes of the first song he learned when he was a child. Playing an instrument well didn’t happen overnight and Jeonghun seemed to forgot about that as he was loosing his patience and will by the minute. Between two frustrated sights, Jinho could hear him mutter about him being a failure for not behind able to use the bow correctly. Because he hated hearing Jeonghun being self-depreciative and because hearing his own instrument make such horrible sounds was getting the best of him, Jinho decided to change his method.

Jeonghun hold his breath for a second when he felt Jinho stand behind him and take a few silent steps to come closer. Suddenly Jinho’s hands were over his, the tip of his fingers on his first knuckles. Gently, as if he was afraid of breaking Jeonghun or scarring him off, Jinho started to move his hands to guide Jeonghun’s. Jeonghun felt like a spectator as he watched his hands and Jihno’s move the bow across the strings, creating a real melody, even if it was far from perfect.

“Are you starting to understand how gently you should move the bow now ? Patience and grace are key here.” Jinho said. His voice was soft, creating the tiniest puff of air against Jeonghun’s ear.

They stayed like that, Jinho’s arm engulfing Jeonghun, his hands on the other’s hands, his head next to the singer’s head, for what felt like hours but was closer to ten minutes. It must have been an uncomfortable position for Jinho but he wasn’t complaining and Jeonghun wasn’t about to be the one to break the moment, even if it was probably the last he will ever live. On top of that, Jeonghun could seriously feel like he was getting better after a few attempts. A few minutes later, Jeonghun felt that Jinho’s hands weren’t really on his anymore, just hovering above them, following his movements like a puppet-master. Even without him to guide him fully, Jeonghun managed to do a few clear notes before eventually failing. As he lowered his arm, the bow still in his arm and now hanging beside him, arms tightened around him and a head came to rest on his shoulder. Jeonghun tensed immediately, his brain going into overdrive, not processing anything that was happening. All he could feel was the cold tip of Jinho’s nose on the skin where his neck and shoulder met, as if all the nerves of his body where now gathered there.

“What is that for ?” Jeonghun managed to ask as Jinho was still hiding in his neck, awkwardly pressed to his back even with the chair between the two of them.

“Thank you for being you, No Jeonghun.” Jinho simply replied. That didn’t help Jeonghun at all. What did he meant by “thank you for being you” ? Could Jeonghun be anyone else anyway ? And what was the use of his last name about ?

Before he could ask any of those questions, Jinho was getting back up, back straight as it always was, his unreadable face back on. Jeonghun hated this face, it made him feel clueless and like he didn’t know Jinho at all. The oldest started to gather his belongings, taking his bow and his cello from Jeonghun before putting them in their cases. In no time, he was in front of the door, his coat and gloves on, waiting for Jeonghun to do the same. So he did, Jeonghun got ready to go back home, he got ready to forget what had just happened because it felt like Jinho already did.

When they arrived in front of the building, Jeonghun, ready to run as far as possible, turned to his left, where the bus stop was, and started waiving at Jinho to say goodbye. However, he latter stopped him with an unexpected “I will drive you back home.”. Once again, Jeonghun didn’t feel like he could say no. It was cold outside and he was tired, so tired.

They got to the car and Ave Verum by Mozart started playing. Jinho had been working on it for a while and it was always playing at one point or another when they were together. It brought back happy memories, memories of them laughing and doing music and just being friends. Jeonghun was just tired, tomorrow he would feel better about all of this and would be grateful about Jinho being such a good friend. Tonight though, he wanted to allow himself to be a little bit sad about the situation.

Because he knew that if he did look at Jinho’s profile, as he often did when they were in the car, he would totally forget why he was sad, Jeonghun decided to look at the city by the window. But then Jinho’s hand was on his thigh and Jinho’s hand had never been on his thigh, Jeonghun turned his head to finally ask the questions that were on the tip of his tongue since that hug earlier. When he met Jinho’s eyes and the cellist offered him his close mouthed smile, the kind one he did when they first saw each other, Jeonghun’s questions died in his throat. Maybe he didn’t have to ask, because asking made everything so real.

When they arrived in front of Jeonghun’s apartment complex, he was ready to get out of the car, his “thank you for the ride” already forming in his throat. The hand on the door, ready to open it, Jeonghun slowly registered that Jinho was parking his car and then stopping the engine.

“Do you mind if I see you off at your apartment door ?” Jinho asked, his smile as kind as always but now a bit unsure.

Jeonghun couldn’t find a single reason to say no, not that he really wanted to anyway. They took the elevator together, the silence between them comfortable like it would be between two friends but with something extra added to it, something Jeonghun couldn’t pinpoint. The corridor that lead to his apartment never looked as long as it did in that moment. As they reached the door, he stopped and Jinho did too, facing a very nervous Jeonghun. Then silence, again and again. Jinho was looking at him, really looking at him, as if he was trying to read his mind. If Jeonghun had not been totally engrossed in Jinho’s eyes he would have felt that the man was slowly but surely getting closer. Jeonghun only realized what was going on when he felt Jinho’s breath on his upper lips at every breath he took.

“Jeonghun, I’m really sorry if I read all the signs wrong.” Jinho said in a murmur. He wasn’t a big talker, nor was he someone to ever scream. In fact, when you listened to him, it felt like you were listening to a podcast, or a very good audiobook, something gentle and soothing. But his voice had never been as soft as it was while saying this sentence, Jeonghun was sure of it.

Jeonghun was still replaying the sentence in his head, trying to engrave Jinho’s tone in his mind, when he felt lips on his. As soon as he realized what was happening, Jinho was already taking a step back, a smile on his face, one that reached his eyes and made them shine so prettily.

“Good night Jeonghun.” Jinho said without rising his voice. “Sleep well.”

Jeonghun was still processing what had just happened. His arms against his body, he truly believed he had never been this still in his whole life. Before he could even form a correct sentence in his mind to try to explain what he was feeling, Jeonghun heard the door of the elevator open. He turned on his heels as fast as he could, just fast enough to see Jinho’s face slowly disappearing between the doors and scream “Text me when you get back home !”. And then, with a smile and a little wave of his hand, Jinho was gone.

Jeonghun took his phone out and pressed the number on top of the list.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this.” Jeonghun said as soon as the tone stopped.

“I’m so glad I did.” Jinho answered, the sound of his smile making his voice shine through the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are always appreciated !! thank you so much for reading <33333


	4. FIRST TIME BEING CALLED DAD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with the little family !!! This chapter is the reason why i started this fic tbh so i hope you'll like it at least a little bit haha

When Hyunsang lost his first tooth, Jeonghun prepared a little party for him. Granted, it was only the four of them around the coffee table, a cake for desert and 5 balloons stuck to to the wall; but it was all Jeonghun could do with such a short notice. He wanted to make Hyunsang feel important, as important as he was in Jeonghun’s heart. Even if the two boys weren’t his, not really, he loved them more than he could ever express. Seeing them after a long day at work wasn’t exhausting like he thought it would be and they could make him laugh when he felt like nothing would. Sure, there were bad days. Days when they made him feel like he would never truly be part of the family. Days when the two bickered for hours and for no apparent reasons.

But there were also evening like this one. Evening with just the four of them, all talking and smiling to each other, memories of past arguments long forgotten. Jeonghun wanted to remember this little party forever. He wanted to have something to look back on when Hyunsang would be in high school, all his teeth in place and a lot of centimetres taller. They took a picture and Jeonghun made sure that Hyunsang was smiling with his mouth open. After that, seeing Hyunsang’s smile, he silently promised himself to do the same for Youngso, and for all of the little occasions that made their life together so special and precious.

Before it had happened, Hyunsang had been anxious about loosing his first tooth. Primarily because it happened late, all of his school friends already missing at least one. Then he had been afraid of the pain, making sure no one but him would touch his teeth. He had eaten cautiously and had made sure to never be at a throwing distance of a ball. Jinho had told him to make it move and had even offered to take it out by tying a string to a door handle on one end and to his tooth on the other. And then slam the door. “An old but very effective way to do it” according to him. Hyunsang had shook his head and almost cried at the idea.

Eventually, after a week of not eating a single apple or playing football, Hyunsang came to his dad after school, a big smile on his face and his front tooth gone. He had kept it in his pocket, making sure to put it in a tissue. As soon as they entered the car, Jinho called Jeonghun, putting him on speaker.

“You will never believe what happened today !” Jinho said as soon as he heard Jeonghun’s “Hello ?”

A light chuckle. “Well I’m sure you’re going to tell me !”

Jinho wanted to make Jeonghun guess, just for the hell of it, just because it would be funny to hear him loose his patience over the phone. Hyunsang, however, had an other plan in mind as he screamed “Jeonghun, I lost my tooth !”, excitement clear in his voice.

“No way ! Oh my god, my baby lost his first tooth !” Jeonghun said, sounding frantic but happy. “Jinho our baby lost his first tooth ! We have to throw a party.”

Ignoring Hyunsang’s “I’m not a baby.”, Jeonghun asked Jinho if they could throw a party, an excited “please” being the only thing needed to make the cellist agree. Joenghun had asked because technically the apartment was not his home yet. Technically he still had his own apartment and didn’t pay the bills related to Jinho’s. Technically they didn’t live together but Jeonghun had woken up in Jinho’s bed every single day for the last 2 months. His toothbrush was in the bathroom, his slippers in the entrance and he even had a favourite mug he always used for his coffee in the morning. He had just been waiting for Jinho to ask the big question. After all, Jeonghun would be the one to move in, he couldn’t just decide by himself.

When they arrived home, 20 minutes or so later, there were balloons on the wall and Jeonghun was wearing a party hat he had obviously found somewhere in the apartment. Jinho could very clearly remember buying them for Youngso’s third birthday, the green “3” written on the hat a confirmation if he needed one.

“Congratulation Hyunsang !” Jeonghun shouted when the three of them had took off their shoes.

Before saying “Don’t you think it’s a bit too much for a tooth ?”, Jinho looked at his first born son and his words died in his throat. Hyunsang was beaming. No other word could describe how happy and proud he looked, from his gummy smile that made his eyes disappear to the way he was clenching his little fists.

Jeonghun came closer to the boy and fell on his knees to give him a hug. Even if the child was not a big huger, Jeonghun seemed to always know when it was okay to initiate physical contact, something Jinho was often lacking in. It had always been natural with Youngso since he was the one asking for it but with Hyunsang it was different, you just had to_ know_. Hyunsang’s arms stayed on his sides but he let his chin fall on Jeonghun’s shoulder, a clear indication that he was more than fine with it.

Suddenly, a high pitched “CAAAAAKE” came from the kitchen.

“Well I think Youngso found my surprise.” Jeonghun said with a smile, rising from the ground before giving a quick kiss to Jinho.

After that, they ate take out, something they rarely did because it was unhealthy and Jinho was a good cook. Jeonghun let Hyunsang cut the cake and choose the songs that were playing during the evening. He played the guitar a bit, a curious Hyunsang on his lap, watching his every move. The boy had a frown on his face, the one he always had when he was trying to memorize something.   
  
Jeonghun had not found the time to buy a present for Hyunsang, something special to celebrate a special day. Nevertheless, as they were getting ready to go to sleep, with a hand on his hip and his nose in his hair, Jinho made sure to let him know that the little party was the best present he could have ever made to Hyunsang.

This was a few months ago. Since then, a lot of things had changed. Jeonghun had moved in with the little family after Jinho had finally asked him to do so in the middle of the supermarket. Jeonghun had contained his excitement the best he could and had said yes. That night he slept better than he had ever slept in his adult life. The idea of loving and being loved every single moment he would spend at home doing wonders to calm his sometimes overwhelming anxiety.   
  


It was the end of winter. The days were still cold but they were getting longer and some trees were starting to get green again. Judging from how much sunlight was coming from behind the curtains, it couldn’t be later than 7:30 in the morning. Jeonghun was never awake before eight on the week-end, not if he had nothing to do and nothing was there to disturb his sleep. Nothing or no one.

“Daddy ! I lost an other tooth !”

An excited Hyunsang made his way from the door to Jeonghun’s side in record time, hitting his arm over the cover, his other hand outstretched, a little tooth in the middle of his palm.

With a grunt, Jeonghun stretched, turning over before letting his arm fall on a sleepy Jinho.

“Honey, your son is calling for you.” Jeonghun said in a yawn.

He closed his eyes again, trying to get the few more minutes of sleep he definitely needed. He had never succeeded in getting back to sleep since he started spending all of his nights in this apartment. He decided to try anyway. Jeonghun thought about how warm he felt under the sheets, Jinho’s arm touching his own and could already feel his breath even out. He was pondering over getting cereals or toasts for breakfast, his eyes closed and his limbs spread out, when he felt something climb on the bed from where his feet were. The weight slowly made its way higher to finally stop on his hips. Jeonghun opened an eye, just one, to see Hyunsang seating on his stomach, his left hand still firmly holding the tooth.

That’s when he said it. Seated on Jeonghun, his little droopy eyes planted in the singer’s own, his left fist closed tight.

“But daddy can’t we do a party like the other time ?” Hyunsang said, almost pleading.

It only took a second for Jinho to turn his head to look at Jeonghun. Shock was probably written all over his face but Jeonghun couldn’t look back. All he could do was stare at the little boy above him. Stare at his pleading eyes, his slight pout, at the way his hair was going in every direction but the one it was supposed to. So he did just that.

In a matter of seconds, the few ones it took him to realize what was happening, Jeonghun could feel hot tears come out of his eyes. Hyunsang had called him dad. He had said it with so much resolve and while looking at him straight in the eyes, Jeonghun couldn’t have made it up. He couldn’t have but he was still unsure, just like everybody is when life feels too good to be true. He didn’t want to believe it because he was afraid of being disappointed in a few minutes. Afraid of seeing Hyunsang turn to Jinho and go on with the conversation like nothing had happened. Nevertheless, the tears were rolling on his face before ending their course on the pillow.

Of course, being called “dad” by the two boys had been something he thought about. It had never been a conscious thought though, just something that would pop in his mind at random times, often late at night. He knew it was just hopeful thinking considering they had know him for only a few months and how comfortable they became with the use of his first name. But if Jeonghun was honest with himself, it was more than a thought, sometimes it was a wish. The strong and overwhelming feeling that being called as such by Hyunsang and Youngso would make him the happiest person ever.

When he had thought about it, he never ever imagined it would be Hyunsang to call him “dad” first. Maybe he should have guested. Since the first time they met, Hyunsang love for music, guitar and piano had brought them closer, closer than Jeonghun would have ever imagined after their first encounter. Sure, Hyunsang wasn’t the most open with his feelings, never overly excited or particularly angry but Jeonghun liked to believe he was good at understanding him. It was all in the details and Jeonghun always made sure to see them. It was in the way Hyunsang would play with his hands when he was nervous, it was in the way the corner of his mouth will go down a bit when he was feeling under the weather but it was also in the way his eyes would light up when he was excited or interested in something. As Jinho had once said, he had “mastered the Hyunsang language” and Jeonghun was proud of that.

This could have been the reason why Hyunsang often came to Jeonghun when he needed something, from help with his maths homework to something that was in a cupboard too high for him to reach. You could often hear him call “Jeonghun !” in the apartment. He would never really scream it but Jeonghun would always hear. No doubt in Jeonghun’s mind, this was a sense you developed with your children. No matter how short their life together had been, no matter if genetic said otherwise, Youngso and Hyunsang were his sons.

Right there, as he was staring at Hyunsang, Jeonghun saw many emotions on his face; surprise first, quickly replaced by confusion before guilt took over.

“I’m sorry.” Hyunsang said, dropping his gaze to look at his little tooth. “I shouldn’t have asked for an other party.”

Jeonghun had just managed to put his biggest smile back on when Jinho took the lead and reassured his son.

“Don’t worry Hyunsang, Jeonghun is not sad.” Jinho said, a hand coming to rest on the child’s forearm.

Jinho dropped his hand a few seconds later, carefully putting his arm back under the sheets so it was now on Jeonghun’s forearm. A few months earlier, this would have been impossible because, even if Jinho had made the first move, had been the first one to be clear about his feelings, dealing with an emotional Jeonghun had always been hard for him. Kissing someone because you feel like you couldn’t possibly live without them anymore was something, saying it with words was completely different. That’s why Jeonghun had been the first one to say I love you, the first one to talk about a future together and that’s why he had waited so long to hear Jinho ask him to live with him.

The first time Jeonghun had cried in front of Jinho, they were on the sofa, watching “the saddest movie in the whole world” according to Jeonghun. Jinho had tried to keep his tears at bay for the last hour, not sure about what would happen if he cried in front of his lover. Twenty minutes before the end of the movie, he couldn’t ignore the little noises coming from his right anymore. Jeonghun was obviously crying, his hand now completely hidden in his sweatshirt to use it as a tissue.

“We can stop here if you want.” Jinho said, trying to sound as confident as possible and failing miserably.

“No, no, it’s the best part.” Jeonghun answered with yet another sniffling.

Because he could feel how uncomfortable and unsure Jinho was, and because he knew that he wouldn’t do a thing in fear of it being the exact opposite of what Jeonghun needed, the singer decided to take the matter in his hands. He took Jinho’s arm to put it around him and gently laid his head on the cellist’s shoulder. Jeonghun shifted a bit to get comfortable and eventually decided to put the arm that wasn’t crushed between their bodies on Jinho’s stomach.

“That’s perfect.” Jeonghun had said, so gently that Jinho could have missed it if he hadn’t been hyper aware of everything Jeonghun was doing in that moment.

From that night, Jinho had tried to be here for Jeonghun just the way he needed it. He tried to remember that thinking “I will always be there” and meaning it wasn’t enough, you needed to prove it. That’s probably why Jeonghun felt Jinho’s hand squeeze his forearm, a silent “I’m here” shared under the sheets. It somewhat brought Jeonghun to reality, just like a pinch when you want to wake up from a dream.

“Don’t apologize Hyunsang !” Jeonghun said in a smile, rubbing his face to erase the trail of tears on his cheeks. “You will never make me sad by asking for something, I promise.”

“Why are you crying then ?” the little boy asked, still confused about the situation.

“People sometimes cry when they’re really happy, Hyun’. It’s like the overload of happiness needs to get out of their body one way or another.” Jeonghun explained, wondering how he came up with something like that on the spot.

The answer seemed to satisfy Hyunsang nevertheless. The boy got off of Jeonghun and laid between his two dads, his head slightly leaning against Jeonghun’s shoulder, the tip of his nose almost touching his pajamas.

“Can we sing Castle on the hill together if we do a par-”

Hyunsang couldn’t finish his question before a loud bang was heard from the door. A puffy and still half asleep Youngso had found his way out of his bed and had pushed the door with all his might, making it hit the wall with a loud noise. Without a word, his favourite plushy dragged by the arm behind him, Youngso made his way to Jinho’s side of the bed, waiting a few seconds before being picked up by his dad. Jinho shuffled closer to the end of the bed to lay his son in the middle, next to his brother.

Still looking at the celling to process what had happened, Jeonghun only turned his head when he heard an almost inaudible sniffling. He immediately locked eyes with Jinho and his heart stopped for a few seconds. Jinho was smiling at him, his gum and teeth on display, even if tears were rolling down his cheeks. He was stroking Youngso’s back absent-mindedly, his attention completely on Jeonghun. The latter smiled back at him, feeling tears gathering in his eyes again. The two brothers were facing Jeonghun, Youngso playing with the ears of his plushy, Hyunsang playing with Joenghun’s pajamas. While looking at these three faces, faces he didn’t even knew about a year and a half ago, Jeonghun couldn’t think about a time he had been happier. As the sun finally made its way through the curtains, hitting their hair to make them shine, Jeonghun took the time to appreciate this moment filled with unmatched happiness.

When he finally locked eyes with Jinho again, Jeonghun felt the urge to let them know and said, “The three of you make me the happiest man in the world. I love you.” ,

Hyunsang lifted his head, Jinho smiled at him and Youngso, without even looking at anyone in particular said “I want cereals”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading !! love you all !!


	5. FIRST CAMPING TRIP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is all over the place !! started as a chapter inspired by the blackyak campain and ended up as...whatever this is ! Anyway let me introduce you to the "Jeonghun always win" chapter !!

Jeonghun couldn’t remember what had made him thought about this idea for the first time. Maybe he had seen a billboard, or maybe he had heard someone talk about it when he was at school to pick the boys up. Either way, one night, he came back from work, this idea engraved in his mind and if there was one thing to know about Jeonghun, it was that when he had something in mind, nothing would stop him. That’s why he didn’t take Jinho’s “It’s way too cold outside” as an answer.

For days, he tried to convince Jinho, asking nicely, asking firmly, menacingly. Nothing had worked, from the sweet “please” murmured just before going to bed to the “I will go alone with them, I swear !” thrown from the door before going to work. Jeonghun decided to turn to the lowest but most effective way to change Jinho’s mind: his sons.

Jeonghun was the one who was supposed to pick them up at school. Chatting with mums he knew from the parents board, he almost missed Hyunsang passing to get his backpack and lunchbox. The now 8 years old boy was putting his coat and scarf on when Jeonghun finally registered it was his own son he saw speeding up to get his belongings. A quick goodbye, a few promises to get coffee someday and Jeonghun left the women he was chatting with to help Hyunsang carry his bag.

“How was your day Hyun’ ?” Jeonghun asked, putting the little backpack on one of his shoulder, his hand automatically reaching for Hyunsang’s hair in order to put them down where they were dishevelled.

“ ‘was fine.” Hyunsang answered, knowing exactly what was waiting for him if he didn’t elaborate.

“Okay, two things that made this day great and two things that made this day meh, let’s go.”

It was a little tradition he had with the boys, a simple way to make them talk about their day and make them understand life was just that, a mix of good and bad things. He always asked Hyunsang as soon as he was out of his classroom, aware that he was more keen to talk when it was just the two of them. At first, when they started it, Hyunsang would took entire evenings just to think about what he would say, reporting to Jeonghun just before going to bed. Nowadays, it was clear he had already thought about it before the end of class. Jeonghun liked to thing Hyunsang sometimes thought “I will definitely say that to daddy tonight” when something good or bad happened to him during the day. Just a little reminder that someone would be here to listen no matter what.

“Jogon passed by the school on his way to his school and waved at me. My friends were really surprised I was friend with a high schooler. I wasn’t picked to read my poem in front of the class and I’m glad because I was really scared. I dropped a part of my lunch on the floor and my favourite pen is not working anymore.” Hyunsang was counting on his fingers to make sure he didn’t miss one of the facts.

Most of the times, the things he said were trivial like that, just little events or facts that could change the mood of a 8 years old completely. Somedays, however, Hyunsang would come out of class and say “I missed mom.”, “My friends said something really mean to me.” or “I had a stomach ache because I was anxious.”. Those days, Jeonghun would make sure to talk it through, to get to the bottom of it, always ending it with a tight hug or a gentle squeeze of the hand.

When they arrived in front of Youngso’s class, the 5 years old was already wearing his coat, his little backpack on the floor next to him. Jeonghun bended to get it and kissed the top of Youngso’s head in the process.

“How was your day little bub ?” he asked, just like he did with Hyunsang.

“Hyeongbin pushed me when we were playing but then he said sorry and the nurse gave me candy because I didn’t cry when she put the bandage on. There were carrots at lunch and I don’t like it. We read a book about wolves and I was the one writing the date on the board today !”

Jeonghun would never stop to be amazed by how different the two boys were. Most days, Jeonghun didn’t have ask for his fact check from Youngso, the boy would just say it all in one go, sometimes forgetting one, sometimes adding two. Jeonghun was not always sure if the facts he was stating were reasons to be happy or reasons to be sad about the day.

“That’s great ! Did you made up with Hyeongbin ?”

“Daddy I already said he said sorry ! Plus, without him we’re not enough to play the ninja turtles so I had to !” Youngso stated, starting to make his way toward the entrance.

“True, true...” said Jeonghun, more to himself than to his son.

Jeonghun waited for the three of them to be in the car to start with his “Let’s convince Jinho through his sons.” mission. “Boys, daddy thought about something and wanted to know your opinion about it.”He took a brief look at his sons through the mirror. “Would you like to go camping with dad and I in a couple of weeks ? We would sleep in a caravan by the lake and eat marshmallows around a fire.”

“Yes !” immediately answered Youngso, a smile full of excitement already on his face, exactly the kind of face Jeonghun would have loved to see on Jinho when he talked about it with him.

“What do you think about it, Hyun’ ?”

“I think it’s a good idea.” the boy simply answered, his head resting against the window.

“Then it’s settled !”

Jeonghun knew Jinho will be mad about it at first but he also knew Jinho could hardly say no if he saw his boys excited about something. All in all, Jeonghun knew this was a certain win. They were going camping !

As expected, Jinho was furious when Jeonghun came back and explained that the kids had agreed about the camping trip. Furious in a very Jinho way, lips pressed tight, not a single look in Jeonghun’s direction, frowning so hard the younger was afraid the vein on his forehead would pop. Jinho was not the type to be angry for anything and everything and, even if they had lived together for about two years now, Jeonghun could probably count on both hands the number of times they had a fight worth mentioning. Most of those times, Jinho would go out to practice the cello alone and would come back with a clearer vision of the situation and an “I’m sorry but you hurt me too” on his lips. Jeonghun would apologize and that was it.

Just like other times, Jeonghun watched as Jinho packed his instrument, putting his wallet and his keys in his pockets, making sure his phone stayed at home to be unreachable. But this was different in so many ways too. They had never fought about how they raised the kids, about what was okay to do or not. Never. Jeonghun felt terrible. He hadn’t raised these boys since their birth, hadn’t woken up when they were teething, hadn’t changed a single diaper, but here he was, assuming he knew better than their own dad. That’s why he didn’t want to settle with an “I’m sorry”, he wanted to talk about it, argue about it if needed.

Before Jinho could reach the door handle, Jeonghun grabbed the end of his coat, making the older man turn around in surprise.

“I want to talk about it.” he simply said, trying to sound collected even if inside, he was so afraid of having disappointed the person he loved and admired the most that he felt like crying.

“And I don’t, not now.” Jinho simply answered, his eyes cold enough to make Jeonghun shiver.

“Please Jinho.” his voice broke into a whisper. The fact he hadn’t used an endearing nickname a clear indication that nothing was right in this situation.

Jinho let out a long sight and eventually put his cello down, probably doing it because he didn’t want to make a scene in front of his children.

“Fine but we’re going in our bedroom for this.” he said, walking past Jeonghun without one of his sweet touch he always had for the younger.

Jeonghun followed, head down, his eyes focused on how his socked feet were gliding along the floor.

“Dad and Daddy need to talk about something boys, we will be in the bedroom if you need us, okay ?” Jinho said to the two boys, already occupied with a 200 pieces puzzle.

Hyunsang lifted his head, his gaze going from Jinho to Jeonghun and then back to Jinho. In the two seconds he had looked at him, Jeonghun had felt that the oldest boy understood very well that something was off. As Jeonghun could have guessed, the boy said nothing, turning back to the puzzle and making sure to get closer to his brother, as if he wanted to protect him.

When they arrived in the bedroom, Jinho made sure to push the door a bit without closing it completely, probably to hear if the boys were getting in trouble in the living room. As he was doing so, Jeonghun took a sit on the bed, his two feet still on the ground.

“I’m listening.” Jinho simply said, his arms crossed over his chest in a defensive manner.

“Can you at least come sit next to me ?” Jeonghun patted the bed. “I feel like I’m being scolded by my dad.”

Jinho sighted again and took the few steps between him and the bed, sitting down next to Jeonghun. To the latter’s surprise, their thighs were touching and he could feel Jinho’s shoulder against his.

In a softer voice, almost in a whisper, Jinho eventually started the conversation. “The fact you talked about it with them without talking about it with me first hurt me the most. I thought we had agreed that it was a bad idea.”

If there was something Jeonghun couldn’t do, it was not speaking up when he felt wronged. “That’s not what happened though ! I suggested the idea and you immediately said it was a bad idea. I still think it would be great, and the kids would love it too.”

Jinho frowned at that.

“And I know trying to convince you by making the kids agree with me was bad. I’m no one to decided how you should raise your children and-”

Jeonghun stopped in his track when he felt Jinho’s hand on his chin, turning his head a bit so he would look at him.

“That’s absolutely not the issue here, Jeonghun. Never will I ever, ever say you’re not legitimate enough to make decisions about how we raise OUR children. You’re their dad as much as I am, you know that right ?”

Jeonghun could feel he was pouting, his expression accentuated by Jinho’s hand, his cheeks pressed together.

“Yes.” he whispered.

“I was sad because I felt like I was portrayed as the bad guy, the one who ruins all the fun.”

“I’m sorry, honey.” Jeonghun reached for Jinho’s face too, gently putting a strand of hair back to see his eyes better. “You’re not the bad guy in this situation and you never are. I promise I will talk about it with you before doing anything stupid like that.”

Jinho closed the few centimetres between their faces to press his lips on Jeonghun’s, a little “I love you” fanning over his cupid bow.

“Bub to Hyun. Daddy is not sad anymore and dad isn’t mad either. They’re kissing. End of the message.”

Jeonghun slowly turned his head, only to see Yougso’s head in the little space where the door was still open. The boy was crouching, trying to be as discrete as possible, speaking in his walkie-talkie they had bought him last christmas.

“Let’s pretend we didn’t see our little spy so he can think he accomplished his mission.” Jinho whispered so only Jeonghun could hear.

“I’m sure Hyun was the master behind this plan.” Jeonghun said with the same tone.

Jinho took Jeonghun’s hand in his and added “I have a new padded coat, might as well use it if it gets cold at the lake.”.

At that, Jeonghun lifted his head, looking excitingly at his boyfriend who was now smiling gently. He faintly registered Youngso getting up and running in the corridor, probably afraid of being caught.

“For real ? We’re going ?”

Jinho nodded. “Did you see the boys’ smiles when you talked about it over dinner ? I can’t say no to that, even if we will probably all loose a toe from how cold he will be at night.”

Jeonghun made a mission of kissing every single centimetre of Jinho’s face as a thank you. They were going camping !

“Are the instruments really necessary ?” Jinho asked, putting his cello case in the trunk anyway.

“For the last time today, yes they are !” Jeonghun said from the passenger seat where he was putting Youngso’s seatbelt on. “I want us all to sing and play around the bonfire !”

As he had nothing to reply, Jinho closed his mouth and the trunk at the same time. Jeonghun had made up his mind, nothing would stop him now.

They had agreed to go camping by the lake on a weekend they were sure the sun would shine. The low temperatures were something but camping when it was raining was another type of hell entirely. Even if it was particularly early in the morning, they could still see that the sky was clear and that they were probably gonna have a sunny and joyful weekend. At least that was what Jeonghun was thinking as he was sitting in the passenger seat, taking a quick glance behind him to make sure Hyunsang had put his own seatbelt on.

“Daddy, can we put the rock playlist for the ride please ?” Hyunsang asked, stretching forward as much as he could to lightly tap Joenghun’s neck through the headrest.

“Only if everyone is fine with it, my love.” Jeonghun said, a reminder of the rule they had about the music playing at home and during car rides.

Hyunsang didn’t wait to shake his little brother, already dozing off in his seat. “Youngso, do you mind ?” Youngso answered with a little grunt, turning his head to the window to go back to sleep.

“He said he doesn’t mind !” Hyunsang immediately said, the fact his brother hadn’t given a proper answer not bothering him the slightest.

“Dad, do you mind ?” he asked Jinho, hopeful eyes not leaving the back of his father’s head.

“Not at all but try to catch some more sleep hyun’. The day will be long and tiring.”

This “rock playlist” was something Jeonghun had first been putting when Jinho was not at home, often after picking the kids up at school. Jinho wasn’t against any type of music but after a long day at work, he preferred a calm atmosphere at home, something Jeonghun could understand. Hyunsang eventually grew fond of almost all the songs on the playlist and it became their little thing. When Youngso was at a friend’s house and Jinho still at work, they would blast it in the apartment, singing the lyrics at the top of their lung and mimicking the instruments during some parts. Jeonghun often ended up with sore cheeks from how much he would laugh and smile; watching Hyunsang go wild like he never would at any other time. When Youngso was there, he would join and make a point of doing the electric guitar in all the songs, climbing on top of the sofa to jump from it and ending the songs on his knees after a very rock n’ roll slide.

As the two dads expected, Youngso had slept during the entire ride while Hyunsang had not closed an eye even for a second. The boy had been mouthing the lyrics of the songs, watching the sun get higher and higher in the sky through the window, lost in his thoughts as he often was.

When they arrived, the first mission was to set up the tent they had rented and put their belongings in the caravan. There were no other campers in sight, the cold weather stopping them from coming this late in the year. Somehow it still felt like the perfect time to be around nature, the sun still shining for a comfortable amount of time each day and the leaves becoming red, yellow and orange, changing the landscape into something even more beautiful.

Youngso and Hyunsang got bored of setting everything up with their dads pretty quickly, playing with the rocks on the ground a much more appealing activity. As Jeonghun was trying to understand how to make the tent stay up, Youngso came in view, holding something Jeonghun couldn’t see distinctly from the distance.

“What do you have there, little bub ?” Jeonghun screamed in order to be heard by the 5 years old.

“A giant knife !” Youngso screamed back, trying with all his strength to put the object higher so Jeonghun could see it.

“NO !”

Jeonghun turned his head at the scream coming from his right. At the exact moment the word “knife” had escaped Youngso’s little mouth, as if all his sense had came together to make him aware of the danger, Jinho had started running at full speed toward his very puzzled son. Jeonghun followed his run from afar, his eyes going from his boyfriend to their son as if he was looking at a tennis match. Eventually, Jinho reached Youngso and took what Jeonghun could now recognize as an axe. Youngso looked at it sadly as Jinho was taking it from him and droping it on the floor.

Jeonghun, as a reflex, looked for Hyunsang to make sure the other boy was safe and found him already coming from god knows where to see what was going on with his brother and his dad. Jeonghun himself came closer, relief washing over him. In these moments, he sometimes felt ashamed, ashamed of having slower reflex than Jinho, of always being the one to watch and reassure but never the one to save and protect.

The expression on Jinho’s face was the closest thing to panic he had ever seen on him. The man was frantically touching every part of his son’s body, inspecting every centimetre of his skin to make sure he was not bleeding.

“Wow where did you find an axe ?” Hyunsang asked, pointing at it with a little smile on his face and curiosity in his eyes.

“Next to the pieces of woods.” Sure enough, when Jeonghun turned his head to the left, he could see them neatly aligned, something they had also paid for since they wanted to do a bonfire.

“Can we keep it ?” Hyunsang asked, already bending to reach for it.

Jeonghun reacted quickly enough and took it in his own hand, making sure to put it on the side of his body Hyunsang couldn’t reach.

“It’s not ours, we can’t keep it Hyun’.” Jinho answered in a closed mouth smile. “Plus, I don’t want to see any of you touching it. It can be very dangerous and it’s not made for children.”

The two boys nodded, not very acquainted with a stressed Jinho.

“Are you mad at me dad ?” Youngso asked, a slight tremble in his voice.

Jinho took the little boy in his arms, offering a warm smile to Hyunsang who was standing behind his brother. “Of course not ! I was just very worried you would hurt yourself.”

The rest of the day went by, uneventful but so fulfilling, the kind of day you wanted to have on a week end after a stressful week. Doing nothing but appreciating everything, having no plan and creating the day as it went. They tried to teach the kids how to skip stones on the lake and ended up doing a competition of who could throw his stone the farthest because they were getting frustrated about not doing it correctly. They walked around, transforming branches into swords and collecting beautiful leaves, hiding behind the trees to scare the others and kicking the rocks with their shoes.

As the night was coming, they all changed into warmer clothes and gathered around the bonfire Jeonghun had prepared, following a tutorial on youtube. All of this was so close and yet so far from what Jeonghun had expected from this day. It was better, not because it was perfect, but because everything that had went wrong would be memories he would keep with him forever. Him, feeding Jinho and their sons everytime he took a bite of something, sausages, corn, marshmallows. Them, around the fire, playing music and pretending what they were doing was half good. It wasn’t. Their two boys were singing loudly but too quickly compared to the instruments. They were singing off key too, some of the notes almost hurting Jeonghun’s musician ears from how wrong they were. But his dad ears were thriving, listening as the two precious boys were giving their all on songs they didn’t even knew all the words to. Jinho who was not sure if all of this was a good idea seemed to enjoy it the most, teaching Hyunsang how to play on one string of his cello while he was himself using his bow.

All Jeonghun could see when he finally closed his eyes in bed were the smiles of the three people he loved the most, illuminated by the warm light of the fire, sparkles in the flames and in their eyes. It didn’t last long. He had just found a comfortable position, his head resting just under Jinho’s outstretched arm when he heard a few knock on the door. The boys were supposed to sleep in a tent tonight, they’re first little adventure as campers, snacks and water prepared by their dads at their feet.

Jeonghun groaned a bit and got up, putting the hood of sweatshirt over his head. When he opened the door, he was met with two pair of eyes looking at him.

“Did we forget to give you anything ?” Jeonghun asked, mentally replaying the moment they put the boys to bed in his head to make sure.

“We talked about it with Youngso and we don’t want to sleep in the tent.” stated Hyunsang, both hands on his little brother’s shoulders.

“Monsters are going to eat us, daddy.” Youngso said, his lower lip already shaking, a clear sign he was scared and on the verge of tears.

Jeonghun took a step back and ushered the kids inside, scared they would catch a cold since they were only in their pajamas. He hadn’t even closed the door behind them that he could already hear Jinho pat the space next to him on the bed, a calm “come here.” escaping his lips. Hyunsang and Youngso didn’t wait any longer to hop on the bed. They made the little space they had work, Jinho with his back to the wall, spooning an already yawning Jeonghun, the two boys shoulder to shoulder at the other end of the bed. At least they would keep each others warm through the entire night.

They woke up in a mess of limbs and hair, Youngso with one of his legs on top of Hyunsang’s torso and Jinho’s head in the crook of Jeonghun’s neck. They spent the first 20 minutes of their day in bed, Hyunsang braiding Jeonghun’s hair since he had learned to do it from a girl in his class, Youngso watching from his dad’s stomach where he had decided to lie down.

“So, what do you want to do today ?” Jinho asked, gently combing Youngso’s hair with his fingers.

“How about staying in bed a bit longer ?” Jeonghun closed his eyes, relaxing under his son’s touch. “We can play the guitar a bit more too.”

At that, the two boys raised their head, looked at each other, and in no time they were on their feet, running to get Jeonghun’s guitar case. As they were carrying it to the bed, not without struggling, they, at the exact same moment, asked with a smile “Daddy can I be the first one to play with you ?”

Jinho and Jeonghun looked at each other and broke into laughters while Hyunsang and Youngso were bickering under their breath.

“Rock, Paper, Scissors ?” Hyunsang said with a nod.

“Rock, Paper, Scissors.” the younger answered, mimicking his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank so much for reading and for your support on twitter, it makes my day every time !! love youuuu


	6. FIRST TIME MEETING EACH OTHER'S FAMILY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oK so this chapter takes place a few weeks after chapter 4, so about 2 years before chapter 5 ! I hope you'll enjoy this very cheesy mess !

Youngso’s favorite disney bowl filled with grapes in his hands, a book open on his laps, Jeonghun was seated comfortably between Jinho’s legs, his back pressed against the other’s chest. A tricky position to read in since Jinho had to put his arms around Jeonghun to hold his book without making it impossible for him to read his. They made it work, because it was Jeonghun’s favourite way to lie down and because, even if he never said so, Jinho loved to cuddle. As Jeonghun flipped one of the last pages of his 600 pages book, Jinho closed his own before putting it on the coffee table next to them. 

Jeonghun turned his head to see an expression he knew way too well on Jinho’s face. The older man had this way of looking into the distance when he was thinking about telling something, clearly repeating the sentences he was going to use over and over again in his head until they sounded appropriate. Jeonghun let him take his time, a hand on his knee, the light pressure of his thumb a subtle “I’m listening”. Jeonghun couldn’t remember a time the cellist had said something without thinking about it two - or maybe a thousand - times before. Even under pressure, during an argument or a very exciting moment, Jinho would always say the right thing, or say nothing at all. But when he was thinking like this, the silence stretching for several seconds, that meant what he had to say was important. 

A deep breath. “We should invite our families over for dinner.” 

What Jeonghun felt was not surprise, after all he knew he would eventually meet Jinho’s family and that the older would meet his. It was something close to relief, a calming wave going from his heart to the rest of his body. A feeling that made him think Jinho was the man he would spend the rest of his life with. He had known for a while, but the fear of it not being mutual had always been in the back of his mind, even after all the I love you’s, even after he had met his children, even after he had moved in with him. Because Jinho loved his family so much, caring about their opinion more than anything , meeting them was the most beautiful « I love you » he could have said without using the three words. 

“What about next Saturday then ?” Jeonghun was already thinking about what they could prepare for dinner and what he would wear while drawing odd patterns on Jinho’s knee.

“Sounds perfect !” Jinho said, excitement mixed with something Jeonghun couldn’t decipher in his voice.

Nervousness, that’s what was in Jinho’s voice when they had talked about this dinner for the first time. Jeonghun knew it now, looking at a very anxious Jinho running around the kitchen and making quick appearances in the living room, sometimes to get something, sometimes stopping in the middle of the room, exhaling loudly while shaking his head because he had forgotten what he was coming for. 

He had decided to do a full course meal with a soup followed by some pasta and fish. The cake had been bought in a bakery after Jeonghun had convinced him it was impossible to do all of this in the span of an afternoon, especially considering they had their weekly family swimming pool session at 2pm. After a lot of late night conversations and lunch break texts, Jinho had agreed and Jeonghun had gone out with their sons to choose the dessert. Hyunsang had not really left time for Youngso to give his opinion before choosing a strawberry tart, his personal favorite. 

They had come back to a dishevelled Jinho looking at his cooking book with a frown on his face. Jeonghun had never seen him this anxious, not even before an important concert or Hyunsang’s first school show. He suddenly felt useless, helping in the kitchen was not an option, asking if he wanted to reschedule the dinner even less. All he could do was take care of the boys, making sure they had taken a bath, changed and would be ready when their grand parents ring the bell. So he did just that. 

When the two of them were finally in their cutest outfits, Jeonghun made them both sit next to the bathroom sink. 

“Do you know what is happening today ?” he asked to his sons, neither of them really focusing on what he was saying. 

“We’re doing a party !” Youngso eventually answered with his fists high in the air.

Jeonghun smiled at him. “Yes we are ! Except there will be no music.” At the idea, a sigh escaped Hyunsang mouth. Jeonghun decided to ignore. “Nanny and Grandpa are coming to see you today. And my mom and my dad are going to be here too.” 

“But daddies don’t have moms and dads !” a confused Youngso exclaimed. Hyunsang nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly with his brother. 

“Of course we do ! I even showed you pictures of them before.” By the look of confusion he got from the two boys, Jeonghun understood that all of this was a conversation for another time. He helped them get back on the floor before the three of them exited the bathroom. 

They started setting the table with Youngso putting a drawing he had done in every plate. Hyunsang put his own touch by writing everyone’s name in his still wavering writing on little pieces of paper, putting them next to the wine glasses. When they eventually got bored of helping, Jeonghun put the last touches and made sure everything was fine, his eyes never leaving Jinho’s back. 

A some point, he had nothing else to do, nothing else to prepare or pretend to be occupied with. Still unsure if it was the right thing to do, Jeonghun entered the kitchen as quietly as possible. Because he could never hide from Jinho for long, the man, his spatula still in hand, turned to Jeonghun as he was about to lean against the wall in the farthest corner of the room. 

“Are you doing okay in there ?” Jeonghun asked, coming closer to the counter and eventually leaning against it, turning his head to watch Jinho prepare the sauce for the pasta. 

“Yes, perfectly fine.” Jinho answered without a second thought, sounding annoyed nonetheless. 

Jeonghun couldn’t help it, he had to go to the bottom of it. “Doesn’t sound like it.”

Jinho exhaled for approximately the hundredth time of the afternoon, a long and shaky exhale during which his shoulders went down like the weight of the entire world was on them. Jeonghun decided to take the few steps between Jinho and him, wrapping his arms around his neck when his chest came in contact with the cellist’s shoulder. The oldest was now leaning against the counter, his spatula neatly placed on a plate in order to not put sauce anywhere. The deep frown was still there on his face, his brows furrowed, his bottom lips red from all the worried biting. 

“You know everything doesn’t have to be perfect, right ?” Jeonghun said, his chin coming to rest on Jinho’s shoulder. Looking up at him was hurting his eyes so he decided to close them, focusing on their breathings instead. 

“But I want it to be perfect. I want to show them how perfect our family is and that nothing will ever be better than what we have now.” 

A chuckle escaped Jeonghun’s mouth as he shook his head slowly, making Jinho’s shoulder follow the movement. “We’re not perfect, honey, and that’s not a bad thing. We’re not perfect but we’re happy. Those are completely different things and I’m sure our families are very well aware of that.” 

Jeonghun lifted his head and leaned against the counter next to Jinho, his left hand now wrapped around the other man’s little finger. “My parents know you and the kids make me the happiest man on earth. They will love you no matter what the food taste like or which pants you wear.” 

“Do you really think so ?” Jinho asked in a pout. How old was this man again ? 

“I know so. And don’t let me start on how much they’re gonna adore our sons. My mom is probably going to cry.” 

A small smile finally bloomed on Jinho’s face, wrapping Jeonghun in a warm feeling he had missed since this morning. 

“Now, I said my parents don’t care about what trousers you wear but my brother definitely do so you better go change.” Jeonghun gently pushed Jinho out of the kitchen, his hands on the small of his back. 

Jinho looked down at his jeans, an eyebrow raised as to say “What is wrong with these ?”. Jeonghun smiled at him and said his classic black trousers were already waiting for him on their bed. 

Just before entering the bedroom, Jinho turned around. “Don’t forget to check on the soup and to prepare the dressing for the salad please.” 

Jeonghun directed his best military salute at him with a smile. When Jinho had finally closed the door behind him, he turned to Hyunsang and Youngso who were quietly playing on the carpet. “Guys, who wants to cook with daddy ?” 

The result was disastrous. When Jinho entered the war scene that was the kitchen, Jeonghun tried to explain that the fact they had fun was the most important; in vain. Youngso’s shirt was covered in sour cream and Jeonghun swore he could see herbs in Hyunsang’s hair. The spatula was definitely not neatly placed on a plate anymore either. 

Jeonghun was on his way to the bathroom, a son on each shoulder when he heard the bell ring, one time, them two. Too late. He let down Hyunsang and Youngso, made sure to rearrange their hair the best he could before running to the front door to open it. His family and family-in-law were all waiting behind it, flowers and other presents in their hands. 

“Nanny !” Youngso ran to the door, his arms extended to be picked up by his grandmother. Jinho’s mom gave what she had in her hands to her husband before bending to take the child in her arms. 

Jeonghun ushered everyone inside, waiting in the entry as they were all taking their shoes off. 

“Hyunsang please come say hi to everyone.” That was Jinho’s voice coming from behind Jeonghun. A warm hand came to rest on his shoulder, a thumb pressed gently to the skin showing above his collar. 

Hyunsang greeted Jinho’s parents, his sister and her husband, letting everyone kiss his cheeks as much as they wanted. He then stopped in front of Jeonghun’s parents. Technically it was their first meeting. His parents and Minwoo knew everything about the two boys, from their name to the position they usually slept in at night. The boys also knew what Jeonghun’s parents looked like, but all of this was new for them. They still met with their maternal grandparents from time to time, but it had been a long time since they had four grand parents to greet in the same place, so long they probably didn’t remember it. 

“Look how beautiful you both are !” Jeonghun’s mom exclaimed, kneeling to match their height, tears already rolling down her face. Jeonghun turned to Jinho and smiled at him, a small “told you so” on his lips. 

She pulled both of them toward her and engulfed them in a hug while his husband bent a little to wave at them over shoulders. With a sniff, she let go and rose up, smiling at the two children as if they were the 8th and 9th wonder of the world. 

The last one in line was Minwoo, patiently waiting for his mother and father to be done with the tears to finally introduce himself. He didn’t even have a chance to say something before Youngso stood in front of him, almost falling backward while looking up. “Your hair are longer than daddy’s.” 

“That’s because I’m better than your daddy at everything.” Minwoo said with a smile that grew even bigger when his eyes landed on Jeonghun’s frowning face.

As Hyunsang and Youngso were already leading Jinho’s family in the living room, Jeonghun’s parents and Minwoo stayed behind to properly greet their son-in-law. 

“We’re really happy to meet you, Jeonghun told us everything about you.” Mr No started, a gentle smile on his face. 

“Everything ?” Jinho looked at Jeonghun, his eyebrows raised in a playful manner.

“Well, not everything because I didn’t know what to bring you as a gift. I decided to play it safe and buy two extra tickets to see an opera we were dying to see with my husband.” Jeonghun’s mom added. 

Strange definition of “playing it safe” thought Jeonghun as they made their way to the dinning table. When they were finally all seated around the table, Jinho at the end of it to be closer to the kitchen and Jeonghun seated next to his mother-in-law, he turned just a bit on his chair to introduce himself to Jinho’s family. Before he could even say a word, Jinho’s mom hands were on his arm, the piercing gaze of his dad coming from behind her. 

“It’s good to finally meet you, Jeonghun.” she said with a gentle squeeze of his hands. 

“I’m really happy to have you here too.” Jeonghun smiled, happy but also aware of his every move. “I hope you will be able to accept me as family in the future.” 

Jinho’s parents both shook their head. “Don’t be silly, you already are ! I don’t know if Jinho told you but he called us after Hyunsang called you daddy for the first time. He cried so much on the phone that day, I couldn’t stop either.” 

At that, Jeonghun turned to Jinho to find an empty chair, his boyfriend probably already in the kitchen to prepare the soup. The warm feeling was back, this wave he got when he felt at peace, surrounded by people he loved and who loved him, unconditionally. He bit his bottom lip, crying in front of his family-in-law wasn’t in his plan. Jinho saved him from spilling all his emotions to people he barely knew by coming back from the kitchen with the food. 

Jinho and him felt as if they didn’t have children during the entire time their families were there. They were all over the two boys, asking them questions, answering the ones they had and every single of their desire. Youngso and Minwoo were now probably best friend and Jeonghun could see that his dad was all eyes for his quiet grandson Hyunsang. Looking at them, he felt like he was watching himself meet his sons for the first time. They saw what he had seen in them too : warmth, curiosity, intelligence, vulnerability, openness. 

Because the children were taken care of, they took time to talk with everyone at the table. Jeonghun learned more about his sister-in-law and discovered they had a few friends in common somehow. Jinho laughed a lot, watching as Minwoo teased Jeonghun and as he was scolded by his mother. 

Before they knew it, it was already time to go home for everyone. As she was about to put her shoes on, Jeonghun’s mom stopped in front of Jinho who was waiting by the door, a sleepy Youngso in his arms. She stroke the little boy’s hair a few times without saying anything, looking at him as if she wanted to remember every little detail of his face before leaving. 

“Thank you Jinho.” she finally said in a quiet voice. 

“It was our pleasure. I hope you enjoyed the dinner.” Jinho said with a smile, readjusting a now drooling Youngso on his shoulder. 

“The dinner was absolutely lovely but that’s not what I meant.” she raised her eyes to meet Jinho’s. “Thank you for loving our precious Jeonghun and thank you for them.” she said pointing at Youngso. Suddenly her voice was sounding wet, as if she was about to cry again. “Thank you for bringing grand children to our life. All parents wish for their children to have one of their own. With Jeonghun’s dad we wished silently since we didn’t want him to feel like he was failing us. We were happy as long as he was.” A pause. “They are our little miracles. I’m really glad you trust us enough to be part of your wonderful family.” 

Jinho didn’t know he had started crying until he felt Jeonghun’s hands on his face, gently whipping his tears. He had not even felt him come closer to them. Jinho looked at his boyfriend, sure he was going to find a reassuring smile on his face. When he looked back at Jeonghun’s mom, he realized they had the same. 

“Oh well, those two are waiting for me so I will leave now.” she said with a quick head movement toward the door where his husband and oldest son were waiting. 

“Tell Youngso and Hyunsang that Ma will take them to an amusement park very soon, will you ?” 

“Ma ?” Jeonghun and Jinho said at the time, making her laugh. 

“That’s how they’re calling me now.” Jeonghun’s mom said while putting her second shoes on. “Have a good night and don’t forget to eat at lunch Jeonghun, you look way too thin.”

Just before he closed the door, Jeonghun heard his brother say “No mom that’s not baby fat, Jeonghun is 27.”. As soon as the door was closed, Jeonghun sighed, suddenly feeling drained of all his energy. Maybe suggesting to invite them all at the same time again was not the best idea they had. 

“What did my mom told you to make you cry ?” Jeonghun asked as he made his way to the living room to pick a sleepy Hyunsang up from the couch. 

“She just reminded me that I’m the luckiest man alive, nothing I didn’t know about.” Jinho said. 

Jeonghun made sure not to wake Hyunsang up as he gave a quick kiss on the cheek to Jinho. 

“That makes two of us.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well here we go again, thank you for reading, it really means a lot !! If you have any plot ideas for future chapters, feel free to tell or this fic will be done in two chapters ! love ya


	7. FIRST TIME SCOLDING HIS CHILDREN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT THE FUCK ??? this is the fastest i ever wrote a chapter i don't know what happened dfvfbfg. Anyway, i hope you'll enjoy this one cause i kinda like it myself hihi  
Also, this chapter takes place just after chapter 6, so still before chapter 5. Hyunsang is still 6 and Youngso still 3 !

The silence was suspicious. Youngso and Hyunsang were not the most noisy children in the world, far from that, but there was always a moment one of them would shout at the other for a toy or an unkind word. It had been at least 20 minutes since Jeonghun had last checked on them and since then he had not heard a single sound, not a single word coming from them. They hadn’t even asked for snacks or juice. The silence was definitely suspicious.

Jeonghun put his glasses next to his computer, trying to detect a sound while stretching his back in his office chair. Once again, nothing. Giving up on working for a little longer, knowing very well he would be too worried to do anything descent and productive, Jeonghun rose up and made his way to the room the two boys shared. The last time he had checked on them, they were playing with their new Lego, making a mess but doing what they were supposed to with it, building a boat of some sorts.

What he saw when he arrived in the bedroom was just a giant puddle of Lego on the floor, definitely not looking like a boat yet. That was the first thing he saw since it was in the middle of the room, enough to distract him from the important situation happening for several seconds. Several seconds that allowed the two boys to hide their weapon behind their back. However, when Jeonghun finally turned his head to the left, the crime was still visible, very visible.

Behind the two boys, looking like deer in headlights, was a big drawing of a tree and what was probably supposed to be animals, or pokemons. At this point Jeonghun’s brain was not focused on that anymore. The problem wasn’t that it was ugly or simply badly executed, every single drawing his sons had done were stored in boxes and Jeonghun would often look at them because he was _that_ proud. The major issue was that they had drawn these _creatures_ on the wall. Big red, yellow, green and brown lines all over the baby blue the wall had been painted in.

After staring at the wall, then his children and back at the wall for what felt like ages, Jeonghun finally registered what he was facing.

He shook his head as if it would clear his mind miraculously. “What is this exactly ?”

“Pokemons !” answered Youngso as Hyunsang said “A drawing for you and dad.” more quietly. He seemed to have understood they were in trouble quicker than his brother.

“And why did you decided to do this drawing on the wall, of all places ?” Jeonghun could feel frustration build up in him and he didn’t like that.

“Because we wanted to make the biggest drawing for you and dad.” Youngso simply said. His smile disappeared as he registered the frown on Jeonghun’s face and the guilt painted on Hyunsang’s.

Jeonghun almost gave up, almost said thank you for the drawing while hugging the two of them. They had done it for them, they didn’t know better. But on the other hand, he wanted to make them understand that this wasn’t right, that they shouldn’t do this, in any circumstances. He felt like he had two choices, being the cool dad or being the responsible one.

The fact he had been alone with them for a week now was not helping. I had never happened for an extended period of time before, Jinho always coming back from concerts and meetings in a day. Jeonghun couldn’t remember when was the last time he had slept alone, not to mention for a week straight. This time, Jinho’s concert was in Germany, not exactly the place you could go to and from in a day. They had decided he would stay there for a week, enough time to not feel too tired with the jet lag. It was also a good occasion for him to meet up with friends he had there and Jeonghun would have never let him miss this occasion just to stay with him. It had been fine, for the most part. Jeonghun was always tired, never really resting between the work he had to do and taking care of the two boys, but it had been fine.

Jinho was supposed to come back in a day, sometimes in the late evening. Jeonghun felt like he had let him down by enabling their children to do such a thing but he couldn’t find it in himself to make a decision either. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to react and felt like he shouldn’t be the one deciding on how to handle the situation. It always came down to this feeling of not being enough, of not being the dad Hyunsang and Youngso needed and deserved, of being a side character in this family.

Crippling anxiety getting the best of him, Jeonghun decided to call Jinho and ask him what to do. Failing him a second time didn’t matter anymore, he needed to hear him. He asked the two boys to sit on their bed and wait for him. He closed the door behind him, made his way to the living room and sat on the couch, letting his head fall on the back of it.

A few ringtones, the feeling that Jinho wouldn’t pick up, the thought of him being the worst father there was, the sudden need to cry of frustration. When his call was about to go into voicemail, Jinho finally picked up, a sleepy “Jeonghun ?” coming to the singer’s ear.

“Oh my god, I totally forgot it was the middle of the night for you. Go back to sleep, I love you.” Jeonghun was about to hang up when he heard his name being called for the second time. He put his phone back to his ear, guilt eating him.

“If I had been really asleep, the phone would have not woken me up.” Jeonghun heard the ruffle of the sheets on the other end of the line. “What’s wrong ?”

Jeonghun decided to ignore how Jinho’s low voice still had an effect on him, and started to explain the situation. He made sure not to leave any detail out, from the fact the drawing was huge to the fact it was a present for the both of them. He even specified it was Pokemon and trees.

“Now they’re waiting for me in their room and I don’t know what to do. Please help me.” was the conclusion of the story.

“What do you mean you don’t know what to do ?” Jinho sounded confused. “Of course you know what to do, you don’t need me to tell you.”

Jeonghun felt the tears gather in the corner of his eyes. “But what if I don’t ? You always know what to do when they do something silly. You’re always the one to go to the school meetings too.”

“Honey, breath with me okay ?” Jinho said, a thousand miles from him, a thousand miles too far.

They went through a few inhales and exhales during which Jeonghun let his tears roll down his face. Keeping them in was starting to hurt.

“What if they hate me after this ?” It came in an exhale, just above a whisper. After all, this was what it was all about wasn’t it ? The fear of his children hating him after he would tell them what they had done was wrong and he was not happy about their behaviour. The strange idea that they loved him because he was the cool dad, the one who never really scolded them, the one who bought them presents and would smile at them after they had an argument with Jinho, not because he was just that, their dad.

“Of course they won’t ! You’re their dad, not their best friend, you scolding them and telling them what is right and what is wrong is literally part of the job. You love them and they love you, very much. You know exactly what to do and they won’t hate you, no matter what you tell them.”

Jeonghun was pretty sure Jinho wanted to make him cry right now. All he was saying was true, and deep down Jeonghun knew all of this, but he needed to hear it from time to time.

“I trust you, okay ?” Jeonghun nodded before remembering Jinho couldn’t see him, resulting in a small “yes” escaping his lips.

“Honey ?” Jeonghun called after a few seconds of silence during which they just listened to each other’s breathing.

“Yes ?”

He wanted to say “Thank you” but suddenly he felt like it wasn’t enough, like he couldn’t say how grateful he was with words and would have to wait to see his lover in person to express how he felt.

“I’m sorry for bothering you in the middle of the night.” Jeonghun simply said, sheepish.

“It’s fine.” Jinho reassured him. Jeonghun could picture him going back to his laying position, already ready to go back to sleep. “I haven’t been sleeping a lot anyway.”

“Why ?” Jeonghun was the one getting worried right now.

“I miss you, the three of you.” Jinho started, his voice becoming quieter and quieter, as if he was falling asleep. “I miss going to bed with you and I miss reading Hyunsang and Youngso a story before that. Everything seems cold here. And I guess I’m just worried too. Not because I don’t trust you, just because I want to be there if something goes wrong for one of you.”

“Only a day and a half and you’ll be with us again !” Jeonghun said in a smile, the prospect of seeing Jinho again already brightening his mood. “Speaking of which, it’s time to go back to sleep for you. I will stay on the phone until I’m sure you’re sleeping.”

And he did just that, waiting for Jinho’s breathing to become even for long enough to be absolutely sure he was asleep. It didn’t take long, probably way less than any of the other nights he had spent in Germany. It was now time to go back to his children who were patiently waiting for him in their room, their head low, filled with questions and scenarios.

He entered the room with at least as many in his own head. However, it felt like the exact moment he went through the door, he knew what to do and how to act. Maybe thinking too much was the problem, he had to do what felt right. He made the two boys sit on the same bed this time and sat on the floor in front of them, towering over them felt like too much, he didn’t want to look scary.

“You know what you did was wrong, right ?” Jeonghun asked in a soft voice.

“No.” Well, that was not the answer he was expecting from his oldest son. Hyunsang eyes were focused on the wall behind Jeonghun, the one they had drawn on. He had not met his eyes since he had entered the room.

“Excuse me ?” Hearing the boy talk to him like that made him angry. Maybe he had said his “Excuse-me” louder than he normally would because Youngso suddenly flinched, his hands coming to rest on his knees. The anger came from a dark part of his mind, a part that came alive after feeling challenged in his authority. The anger was not directed at them, more at himself and the fact that he was not able to make them understand.

Anger was a very foreign feeling when associated with Hyunsang and Youngso. Of course Jeonghun had been angry in his life, mostly at himself, rarely at others and absolutely never at them. He had been frustrated, scared, over protective, sometimes feeling like he didn’t understood them at all, but nothing quite as frightening as this feeling, the one that made you want to scream, or cry in frustration.

“It was a gift for you.” simply said Hyunsang, still not looking at him. “We did nothing wrong.”

Jeonghun realized none of the twenty scenarios he had made up in his mind included Hyunsang speaking up for his brother and him, defending the both of them and fighting for what was right in his opinion. Maybe that was something Jeonghun had forgot when he had created these different versions in his head, the fact there were always two sides of a story, and that what he perceived as right and real could not be like that from their point of view.

An inhale, an exhale, a look at his sons faces and Jeonghun was back to a calmer voice. “I’m not questioning your intentions”

“What’s an intentions ?” Youngso asked, finally meeting Jeonghun’s eyes.

“The reason why you did it, little bub !” Jeonghun explained. “I’m not saying you did it to make me mad or anything. But it’s still a thing you shouldn’t have done or should have asked before doing. If you can’t draw on the walls at school, why would you do it here ?” Hyunsang and Youngso took time to think about that but did not find an answer judging by the frown on their faces.

“You have to promise me you won’t do it again.” Jeonghun scooted closer to the bed, extending his pinky to cross it with theirs.

Surprisingly, Hyunsang was the first one to reach for it. As they were liking their little fingers, he finally looked at Jeonghun in the eyes. “I’m sorry, daddy. I won’t do it again.” The man smiled at him, mouthing an “I love you” before offering his pinky to Youngso who linked his own tiny one with it. An “I love you” for him too and it was settled.

Before standing up, Jeonghun looked at both of them in the eyes, his hands coming under their chin to make sure they were listening. “If this happens again, you will definitely receive a punishment. Dad and I don’t want to get angry at you so don’t give us a reason to.”

With that, he stood up, telling the two boys they were going to the store to buy paint and a little surprise. Jeonghun eventually called his brother to help him repaint the room and put the giant chalk board they had bought up, a great alternative to drawing directly on the wall. The two children loved it, happy with the fact they could erase their drawings and make new ones over and over again.

The day after that was spent at the park, playing together, eating ice creams and reading books on a picnic mat. Since he was sometimes really busy with work, spending quality time with his children, time that was not centred around eating or getting ready for school, was rare. He loved these moments the most, wishing Jinho was with them right now to enjoy it too. Jeonghun thought about how much he would have loved this park and its beautiful roses, how much he would have laughed when Youngso was talking with the old woman seated next to him on the subway.

This day at the park was also a way to forget about how much they missed him after a week. Jeonghun hoped it worked for his sons even if it was the biggest fail of the year for him.

As he was closing his eyes, the sun warming his face, Hyunsang’s and Youngso’s heads on his stomach, Jeonghun just hoped they would forget there was still another day to go without their dad. He couldn’t bare to see them cry before going to sleep for another night.

“Daddy, when is dad coming back ?” Hyunsang asked, taking Jeonghun hands in his own to play with his fingers.

Well, make it the biggest fail of the century.

“Daddy is coming back tonight but you will probably be asleep by then. You will see him tomorrow morning.” Jeonghun said, already knowing the answer would not settle well with them.

“But I want to see him today !” Youngso added as he seated, his head coming over Jeonghun’s to look at him.

Jeonghun eventually agreed to let them stay awake a little bit longer than they usually would to wait for Jinho to come back home. He couldn’t say no to their pouting faces and pleadings, maybe that was something to work on. They agreed on watching two or three films to wait for him, eating pizza on the couch because it was their last night without “we eat on the table and nowhere else” Jinho.

That’s why Jinho came home to Jeonghun seated on the couch watching Toy Story 3 with only one eye open, two sleeping heads on his thighs. Jinho took his time to take his shoes off, put his belongings in their bedroom before coming back in the living room where Jeonghun was waiting for him,now fully awake despite tired eyes.

Jeonghun took the way Jinho looked at his sons as a question and said “They wanted to wait for you and I couldn’t say no, but I think the park got the best of them.”

Jinho smiled and leaned in for a kiss Jeonghun gladly granted to him. “I missed you.” The older man said, crouching in front of Jeonghun to gently caress his children, his hands going from their hair to the small of their back.

“Yeah, you already said that.” Jeonghun said to tease him, suddenly self conscious about how full and happy he felt just by seeing his face again.

“No more European concerts for me, at least not for a while. I don’t think I can handle it.” Jinho put Hyunsang’s sleeping body in his arms, turning on his heels to go to their room and escape Jeonghun loving gaze on him.

After both of the boys were put in their bed, the little turtle light turned on, Jeonghun and Jinho got ready to go to bed themselves. Maybe it was true, you don’t really know how much you missed something before you get it back. Jeonghun knew he had missed Jinho’s warmth and the way he would feel his breath in his neck or on his forehead before drifting to sleep, but maybe he had not known how much he had missed it. As they were finally under the cover, facing each other, Jeonghun understood it was here he felt the safest and the happiest.

“So, how was scolding our children for the first time ?” Jinho asked with a teasing smile, the one only the people close to his heart could see.

“Not as heart breaking as I thought. And they don’t hate me, so that’s always a plus.” Jeonghun put both of his hands under his head, his eyes never leaving jinho, looking at his face as if it would disappear at any moment.

“Of course they don’t.” Jinho laughed a bit. “More than anything, it shows that you care.”

Caring, that’s something Jeonghun had started doing even before he met them. Like that one time Youngso had gone to the hospital because he had trouble breathing, or that time Hyunsang had won something at school for a drawing he had made. He had cared, so much, asking Jinho everything about it, imagining how it would have been if he had been there. It had amplified after meeting them and it had never stopped growing since then. He cared about everything, their thoughts, how many hours they slept, what they ate, their favourite colour and why they didn’t like to go grocery shopping. He cared so much, sometimes it scared him. Caring for someone was taking the risk to loose them and suffer from the loss. Caring meant giving a part of you to someone without knowing if they would take good care of it. Caring sometimes hurt because it came with worrying and disappointment but Jeonghun would take any of it to be sure to live all these moments with them, the ones filed with love, laughters and happiness. Becoming a father had filled him, with a mission, with emotions, good or bad. It had made him whole for the first time in his life. Being whole didn’t mean being happy and content all the time, it meant feeling like what you needed was there, next to you.

“I’m proud of you” Jinho said in a whisper, his eyes already closed. For once, Jeonghun felt like he could be proud of himself too. He was becoming the dad his sons needed, he would get there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are always appreciated, would love to hear (read) what you thought about it here or on twitter ! love ya


	8. FIRST TIME ADOPTING A DOG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's me and the cute family again ! hope you will like this chapter hehe. the dog i had in mind writing this is the one and only paul, jinho's dog irl btw ! oh and we're finally back to the regular timeline so it's after the camping trip ! hyunsang is 8 and youngso 5 !

“I want a little sister.”

Jeonghun barely registered Jinho’s spoon falling in his plate before his own heart missed a beat. His spoon full of soup centimetres away from his mouth, Jeonghun looked at his youngest son who was still stirring the green liquid in his plate, waiting patiently for it to cool down. He had said it with not a care in the world, as he often did. Youngso was definitely a thoughtful kid. He was good at observing situations and understanding what was acceptable and what wasn’t, what he could do to push the line between something he had never done and something foolish. Still, five years old was definitely too young to understand how babies were made. Maybe they should have expected this from him, but then again, it felt so out of reach to both of them it had never crossed their minds.

“What did you say ?” Jinho asked his son in a cough.

“I want a little sister.” Youngso said, finally bringing his spoon to his mouth and licking a bit of soup with the tip of his tongue. “Or a dog. Kango has a dog and sometimes his mom comes at school with her and she’s very cute.”

Hyunsang, who had been out of the conversation until now, probably lost in his thoughts, raised his head at the mention of a dog. Jeonghun was almost relieved the idea of having a little sister wasn’t the one to make him curious about what was going on.

“Adopting a dog sounds more doable, that’s for sure.” Jeonghun said before putting his spoon in his mouth. A spoon he almost chocked on when Jinho’s foot came in contact with his shin under the table.

A “why ?” already on his lips, Jeonghun turned to his boyfriend who was already looking at him with a frown. Over the years spent with him and the kids, reading on Jinho’s lips had become a skill Jeonghun was really good at. It came handy in moments like this when Jeonghun was speaking before thinking. Just like that time he had almost suggested going to a water park that had been closed for almost a year. Thankfully he had looked at Jinho before saying the word and had read a clear “it’s closed” on his lips, avoiding tears of disappointment from both of their sons.

Right now all he could see on Jinho’s lips and in his eyes was an obvious “stop right there”. So he did.

“Who wants more soup ?” he said, already on his way to the kitchen even if the four of them still had full plates. He didn’t need to look at Jinho to know that the man was rolling his eyes.

When he entered their shared bedroom that evening, Jeonghun was welcomed with the sight of Jinho looking out the window, probably waiting for him to have “the talk”. He closed the door behind him, their children already deep asleep in their room.

As soon as the sound of the door closing was heard in the otherwise silent room, Jinho turned around and said : “We can’t have a dog.”

“Well we can’t really have an other child either, can we ?” Jeonghun directly retorted, coming closer to Jinho. He wished they could. Even when you knew you couldn’t have something, you sometimes couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if you did. He hated the fact that law and simple biology had decided for them before they could even consider it. But that was not really what the talk was about. The real matter here was to decide what they would do about the realistic part of the problem.

“If we had a choice I would have chosen a child over a dog to be honest.” Jinho came to sit beside him on the bed he was now lying on, looking at the celling.

“Very happy to know you would have been okay with us having a child together just to avoid having a dog in this apartment.” Jeonghun said, conflicted between the need to make Jinho laugh and to make him understand he was started to get a bit pissed off.

“That’s not what I said, honey.” Jinho rested his hand on his knee and travelled up and down his thigh in a soothing manner. The endearing name was enough to calm Jeonghun down. After all these years, the cellist definitely knew how to win him over.

“So why can’t we have a dog ?”

“Dogs stink.” Jinho said without a second thought. He obviously had a bunch of arguments laid out in his head and this was just the first one.

“It’s you who stinks.”

Jinho let out a quiet chuckle, making Jeonghun feel even more stupid than his childish answer. At this point he wasn’t talking for his children, he was talking _like_ them. “I will pretend I didn’t hear that.”

On a more serious tone, Jeonghun started to lay the arguments he had himself thought about. “Hyun and Youngso want to take care of another being, I think it’s a good thing.”

“They can’t even take care of themselves !” That was true. “They wouldn’t shower if we didn’t ask them to and they both asked at least once to eat cereals for dinner.” That was also true. Explaining he had once indulged them with the cereal dinner was a talk for another time, probably.

“Can’t we talk about it with them ?” Jeonghun suggested, rising to a seated position, his head coming to rest on Jinho’s shoulder. The older man agreed, because as much as he had an opinion about anything and everything regarding what was going on in their house, especially regarding their children, he had always left a possibility for them to change his mind.

Later that week, Jinho came back from the school with the two boys, their backpacks in his hands and the drawings they had made that day in theirs. Like they would usually do if they were all in the apartment at that time, they sat around the dining table and ate an afternoon snack together. Usually just a tea for Jinho, cookies for Jeonghun and their children. This time, Jeonghun took a pen and a sheet of paper from Hyunsang’s backpack, already drawing a line in the middle of it, “pros” and “cons” written at the top of the newly formed columns.

Munching on a cookie Jeonghun had baked in the afternoon, Hyunsang looked at the sheet, already reading what his dad was writing “What are you doing, daddy ?”

“We want to talk to you about what you told us over dinner a few days ago.” Jeonghun explained.

Jinho, who was in the kitchen to make his tea, couldn’t see the confused looks on his children’s faces, the ones that clearly said they had forgotten about the matter and that all of this was unnecessary. Before Jeonghun could even stop him from saying the word and revive their memory, the cellist added “About having a dog !”.

Now they clearly remembered, and they would probably never forget again. It was like planting a little seed in their brain and Jeonghun swore he could see the tree of ideas growing behind their eyes. Hyunsang was smiling from ear to ear and Youngso had stood on his chair, his fist already in the air as if he had won something. Jeonghun looked at them with a mix of fondness and worry in his eyes. They had called this upon themselves, there was no turning back now. Jinho asked Youngso to take a seat as he entered the living room, a cup filled with hot tea in his hands and his glasses now high on his nose.

When he sat next to Jeonghun, the later put his hand on his forearm and leaned to whisper in his ear “They had completely forgotten about the dog situation”.

Jinho rarely cursed and absolutely never did in front of their children, but at that very moment a quick and almost inaudible “fuck” escaped his lips. Yes, he had lived with him for almost three years now, but Jeonghun was still surprised by these little moments during which Jinho would just loose his cool and let himself speak or act before thinking. Surprise didn’t stop the singer from saying an amused “language !” to his already apologetic boyfriend.

“We’re going to get a dog ?” Hyunsang made them come back to the main point of this conversation with his question. He had taken the sheet and the pen from Jeonghun and seemed to be ready to do whatever was asked from him to get a pet. Drawing one, doing all his homeworks, writing “I want a dog” a hundred times, anything.

“We’re going to talk about it first.” Jinho said with a bittersweet smile, probably something Hyunsang couldn’t tell, unlike Jeonghun. “Let’s make a list of the things that are good about having a dog and the things that are bad about it.”

“There is nothing bad about having a dog, dad.” Hyunsang immediately answered, looking at Jinho as if he had said the most stupid thing the 8 years old boy had ever heard.

Because Jeonghun could see that Jinho was already loosing the battle, his mouth slightly agape as if he was at a loss for word, he decided to be the one to play the devil’s advocate.

“Having a dog is a lot of work, Hyun.” From the corner of his eyes, Jeonghun could see that Youngso was already playing with a toy he had found on the table, not listening to what he was saying in the slightest. “Little bub, listen to me.”

With Youngso’s face finally coming up from under his black hair, Jeonghun knew that he had the attention of the two boys. “Having a dog means going outside with him everyday, even when it’s raining, even when you’re tired or when you want to play. It also means never forgetting to give him food and attention. And you will have to be gentle with him, a dog is not a toy.”

Youngso and Hyunsang nodded and the latter started to write what he had said in the “cons” column, with a lot of grammar errors and spelling mistakes but also with a lot of care.

“Is that all ?” he said after he had put the period at the end of the last sentence.

Jinho decided to add a few points, especially the fact that dogs stank. After he had ran out of ideas, Hyunsang asked once again if they were done, almost looking like a tiny and angry lawyer listening to a story he knew was full of lies. Jeonghun and Jinho nodded, confused about whether they were still the ones in charge of this discussion or not.

“We will now say what is super good about having a dog then.” the oldest son looked at his little brother with a nod and little sign of his hand to indicate he could speak first.

“Having a dog is super cool because...” Youngso had obviously never thought about that, it just was. “Dogs are nice and they can protect our house.”

Hyunsang nodded while writing “super nice” and “guardians” in the empty column.

“Also dogs are soft and they always want to play and cuddle with you.” Youngso added, his little arms flying in front of his face to express his point further.

“That’s right !” Hyunsang reacted. “Dogs are very friendly ! I will add that I am 8 years old and I’m not a baby anymore ! I can give him food and walk him around the neighbourhood because I know all the streets name and your phone number by heart.”

They were good, very good. Jeonghun had to give them that, and Jinho would probably too from how lost he looked. They had won this battle but they couldn’t understand they had probably already won the war. Jeonghun was going to make sure of that.

He took Jinho’s hand in his and said : “Those are very good arguments bubs, but we still need to think about it.” Because all he received were pouty faces and disappointed looks, he continued. “Adopting a dog is a very important decision and we can’t take it lightly. We heard what you had to say about it and will make sure to remember them when we make our decision.”

Hyunsang was a funny little boy and a very surprising one too. Jeonghun couldn’t remember how many times he had laughed until tears rolled down his face after he had said or made something funny. It was different from how he would laugh at something Youngso would say. The younger boy was unintentionally funny, always making or saying things that made the whole situation completely strange and laughable. However, Hyunsang never really spoke without a purpose, and it was the same with his jokes. Every single wistful comment was made with the intent to make someone laugh. Often, Jeonghun and Jinho would even doubt their son had said it with the intention of being funny, just because most of them were so well thought they almost felt out of place in the mouth of an 8 years old. But then they would see his satisfied smile and just _know_.

He surprised them with his wit again as he rose from the table, going around it to come next to them. With the paper tucked under his arm and the pen in one hand, he extended the other. Jeonghun quickly looked at Jinho before shaking his son’s hand, still in front of him.

“Dad, daddy, the decision is yours.” With that, Hyunsang left the living room, a confused Youngso on his tail.

As soon as he was out of their sight, Jeonghun and Jinho looked at each other, unable to contain their laughters anymore. This entire scene felt surreal, from how their children, and especially Hyunsang, had lead the conversation, to the way it had felt like a trial where their children had to defend the presence of a dog they didn’t even have yet. They laughed about it again when they were in bed, remembering how Hyunsang had looked with his little piece of paper and the serious expression on his face.

Jinho agreed about getting a dog. Truth was, Jeonghun hadn’t even said anything to make it happen. Maybe the conversation with Hyunsang and Youngso had planted a seed in his mind too because one day, Jeonghun had found him on the couch, looking at shelters they could go to adopt.

Jinho and Jeonghun went there together, just the two of them, to keep it a surprise. They wanted to see their children’s stunned faces when they would come back with the little animal in their arms.

On a Tuesday morning, the only day they were both free and the kids at school, they drove to a small shelter ran by a group of 3 women. Jinho had talked with one of them over the phone, asking if puppies were still up for adoption. Most shelters had older dogs, something that wouldn’t be a problem if it was just the two of them, but Jinho wanted the little animal to grow with their sons and be in their life as long as possible. When they called this shelter, the woman had said they had four puppies with them, all found in a box next to a highway.

She left them a few minutes in front of the reception counter, coming back with little treats and a folder full of informations about the dogs. It only took a few pictures, fun facts about their personalities and their names for Jeonghun to fall for them. He was afraid he wouldn’t be able to leave 3 of them behind without crying his heart out. Next to him, Jinho didn’t say anything but made sure to read everything written on the pages, asking practical questions to the worker at the end.

Somehow, Jeonghun knew Jinho had already an idea about the dog he wanted, but he said nothing, just to let the man pretend he wasn’t the most invested in this situation.

As they made their way to the place the puppies were, Jeonghun took Jinho’s hand in his, asking “So, do dogs still stink ?” in a playful voice.

Jinho didn’t take the time to respond, just rolled his eyes and lightly pushed Jeonghun with his shoulder, not even meeting his eyes. That made Jeonghun laugh even more.

While entering the room where the puppies were, Jeonghun looked at Jinho, the cellist’s eyes scanning the room to find a particular dog, he was sure of it. His eyes then landed on a brown poodle, probably small enough to fit in one hand only. A small smile bloomed on Jinho’s face, his eyes shining like they did when he was really excited about something. He made his way to where the puppy was playing with a toy twice his size, laying on his side. Jeonghun was happy to just watch from afar, staying at the door and looking at Jinho coming closer to the animal on his tiptoes.

“This one is called Paul.” said the shelter worker as Jinho crouched, putting his hand in front of the dog’s nose before starting to pet him.

A soft “Hi, Paul.” left his lips, so soft Jeonghun had not heard it, just read it on his lips.

The worker came closer to Jeonghun and the both of them just stayed their, watching as Jinho was greeting who was probably already their dog now.

“You can rename him if you want, it’s just a name we give them while they are with us.” she said to Jeonghun, leaning closer to him to not disturb the moment Paul and Jinho were having.

“I like this name, tho.” Jinho said. Jeonghun swore the man could hear a fly sneeze even if it was in another room.

“Will he be friendly with two children ?” the older man proceeded to ask.

“Paul is a puppy, he will probably behave according to what you teach him. He didn’t bite any of us while he was here, even if his past is not the brightest.” the worker answered.

Jinho nodded and scooped the little animal with his hand, bringing it to his chest. He then stood up and made his way to Jeonghun, his face so bright and cheerful the singer was close to tears.

“Paul, say hello to Jeonghun, your other dad.” Jinho said in the softest voice.

Jeonghun brought his hand in front of Paul’s little black nose before petting his tiny head gently. He seemed so frail but not really afraid, even if they were complete strangers. “Hi Paul ! nice to meet you, little guy.”

After they had signed all the papers needed to make the adoption official, they went to buy all they needed for the puppy, from his food to a cute collar and a leash. Jinho’s sister had picked the kids at school and was waiting with them at home. Jihno sent her a quick “We found one. Will be home in about 20 minutes.”

Jeonghun would probably never forget the look on Hyunsang’s and Youngso’s face when Jinho revealed Paul from under his coat, putting the puppy on the floor and watching him take his first steps in his new home, unsure ones, his nose sniffing anything and everything. Hyunsang and Youngso just waited a few seconds before kneeling in the apartment entrance, Hyunsang taking the dog in his arms, Youngso petting his head while saying “It’s a dog !” on repeat.

Hyunsang was silent, but then again, he often was. It was only when he lifted his head, taking his eyes off the dog for the first time since he came in, that Jeonghun realized the boy was crying. Maybe he should have looked at Jinho more closely too, because when he did, the man was whipping tears from his face, a smile lingering on his face.

Jeonghun sat down next to his sons, making Jinho do the same by pulling on the end of his coat.

“Are those happy tears ?” Jeonghun asked his son as he used the sleeve of his sweatshirt to dry Hyunsang’s tears.

The boy nodded. “He is perfect.”

Nothing warmed Jeonghun’s heart like seeing his sons happy could. The mere sight of their smile, the sound of their laugh, their long rents when they were excited about something, their sparkling eyes when they were looking at something they liked, nothing could compare. A decision was always a good one when it brought a reaction like this from them, even if he would probably be the one to take care of Paul most of the time because he was working from home, even if it in the long run it meant doing less weekends abroad. It was worth it, just to see them smile as if they had never been happier than at this exact moment.

“And you, little bub, do you like Paul ?” Jinho asked, pushing his son’s hair back to look at his face more closely.

“Paul is the best dog !” he said, looking up to flash a smile at Jinho before going back to the star of the evening.

They found a new routine that revolved around having a new member in the family, one that needed them for basically everything. Paul was now part of the two boys’ playing sessions, sometimes playing with them, sometimes simply sleeping beside them while they were doing a puzzle or playing a board game. The four of them would go on walks too, something they hardly did before. The first time they had gone out with the puppy, they had taken pictures in the park next to their apartment building, seated on a bench with Paul on Jeonghun’s lap, Jinho’s phone set up against a rock with the timer on. The cellist had taken many other pictures without Jeonghun knowing, some of Paul alone, some of the three people he loved the most playing with him. Hyunsang going down the slide with the puppy, Youngso running around with him, Jeonghun frowning while he was picking up his poop in a little plastic bag for the first time.

It had only been a week or so but it felt like the dog had always been there. Jeonghun couldn’t imagine going back to a time when he wouldn’t hear Youngso say “Paul wait” while Hyunsang was pouring his food in a bowl. Needless to say, the puppy wasn’t really listening yet, but the two children were patient teachers.

Jeonghun favourite memory related to Paul was probably when he had found Jinho, not even two days after they had adopted him, lying on the floor as he was exiting the bathroom. The grown man was on his stomach, playing with an excited Paul. The pup was making little jumps around a toy Jinho was moving in front him, cooing and laughing every time he would miss the toy. Jeonghun decided to stay hidden behind the wall a bit more, with just his eyes and the top of his head out to watch what was happening. As he was about to make himself known, Jinho suddenly turned on his back, taking Paul in his hands and extending his arms, the puppy now high above his face.

“Who’s the best boy ? That’s you !” Jinho lowered the dog to give him a kiss “Who’s the best dog ? Also you !”

Jeonghun couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He was grateful to his past self for putting his phone in the pocket of his pyjama bottoms. He fished it quickly and pressed record to take a video of Jinho being totally and utterly whipped with the little dog. The perfect video for when he would feel down, or for blackmail purpose.

Jinho put Paul down on his stomach, petting the now sleepy dog while humming a familiar melody. That was the moment Jeonghun decided to make himself known with a poor impersonation of Jinho “Who’s the best boy ? It’s Hong Jinho !”.

Jinho snapped his head up, the tip of his ears already red, mortified. Jeonghun just laughed, sitting on the floor next to the older man, his face now hidden behind his arm. The singer removed it gently to kiss his forehead. “So, what are we watching tonight ?”

At least, that was his favourite moment before that evening. They had been in bed for an hour now, silently scrolling on their phone, Jeonghun switching between his instagram and his pinterest, both filled with DIY projects he would probably never put together in real life. However, what caught his attention was neither the incredible bird house nor the cute crochet bunny on his feed, but one account in his recommendation. Jeonghun was absolutely certain the little black round eyes looking at him on his Instagram page were Paul’s. The account called paul_the_dog had already about 10 posts, all pictures of their dog in various positions and environments.

“Did you make an instagram account for the dog ?” Jeonghun asked, incredulous.

“Huh ?” So Jinho was going to pretend he didn’t hear him, even if they were centimeters away.

“You heard me correctly !” Jeonghun knew he did just by the way he had stopped scrolling down on his phone. “Did you made an instagram account for our dog ?”

Jinho let his phone fall on his laps and readjusted his reading glasses on his nose with the tip of his fingers. Sure enough, the notification page of the account paul_the_dog was on the screen and Jinho had obviously been in the middle of answering comments.

“Yes, I did. Can we move on ?” he asked, pleading eyes searching for Jeonghun’s.

When they finally locked eyes, Jeonghun laughed. “Me ? Moving on from the fact that you created an instagram account for a dog you didn’t want ? 2 weeks after we adopted him ? Absolutely not.”

Jinho took his phone back in his hands and clicked on it a few times before putting it under Jeonghun’s nose. On the screen was Jinho’s camera roll, filled to the brim with pictures of Paul among the more rare pictures of Hyunsang and Youngso. The dog was also on those ones.

“But look how cute he is !” Jinho pouted, trying to sell this instagram to Jeonghun as if he had said it was bad. “The moms at school said it was a very good idea too ! I even organised a play date for Paul with some of them !”

“Honey, I’m getting jealous of this puppy now.” Jeonghun said in his most serious tone, hopping to scare Jinho a little, just for fun. “Me or the dog ? 1,2,3.”

Jinho threw his arms around his neck, covering his left cheek with feather like kisses. “Don’t make me choose.” Jinho said between two of them.

“Do you kiss Paul like that too ?” Jeonghun asked, unable to contain his laughter anymore.

“No, only you. And our children when they say they’re too old to get kisses from me.”

Jeonghun could almost hear Hyunsang say those words from how true to his character they were. “And when will they be too old to get kisses from their dads ?”

“Absolutely never.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading ! comments and kudos are always appreciated ! love youuu


	9. THROUGH JINHO'S EYES PT.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically chapter 1 and chapter 3 explained from Jinho's point of view, with a few things added to it !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there ! It's been a little while but i'm back with the longest chapter i've ever written ! Hope you will enjoy this little trip in Jinho's head !!

“_**You taught me the courage of stars before you left.**__**  
How light carries on endlessly, even after death.  
With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite.  
How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.  
  
I couldn’t help but ask  
For you to say it all again.  
I tried to write it down  
But I could never find a pen.  
I’d give anything to hear  
You say it one more time,  
That the universe was made  
Just to be seen by my eyes.”**_

_Saturn – Sleeping at last _

“Somewhat, even during the funerals and all the long weeks before that, I never thought about what life would be like when it would be just the three of us. She was the life of this house and the most important person in their lives and in mine, but I never thought about what it would be like without her next to us. What it would be like when her shoes would not be in the entrance when I come back from work, what it would be like to eat around the table now that a spot was empty and we were an uneven number. I was afraid I think, and I tried very hard to think about everything but that. But eventually it came down to this, a 2 months old baby, a 3 years old who just started kinder garden and me.

The pain was unbearable now that I think about it. But you go through it, because you have to, because it’s not only for you, because you promised her anyway. I don’t think Youngso remembers her face. All his memories are probably made up from pictures we showed him but I somehow believe he remembers her warmth and how much she loved him in the 2 months they had together. She was so happy to give Hyunsang a sibling. Hyunsang however, it was and still probably is very hard for him. For the first five months, he cried almost every single night, sometimes before going to bed, sometimes in the middle of the night. He would ask for her and I would feel so bad for being the one who was there instead. I felt like I would never be enough, like I would never be the mom he needed. And I will never be, but I learned that it was okay as long as I tried to be the best dad for them.

After a few weeks of feeling like a washed out version of myself, going to work on less than 4 hours of sleep, coming back home after crying in the car for 30 minutes every night, I decided I couldn’t do it anymore and I stopped working. For months, I only stayed with Hyunsang and Youngso at home. They needed me but, most importantly, I needed them. I needed to create that special bond with them, the one everyone compliments me on now. I saw Youngso first few months and I rediscovered my first son, this amazing little boy I missed so much of because I was so busy before. I needed them so much I seriously considered keeping Hyunsang home and not send him to school. My sister talked me out of it, calling me selfish and irresponsible. She was right, wasn’t she?

These few months were so hard, so, so hard but I felt happiness on so many occasions too, all of them thanks to our little bubs. Without completely erasing her, our house became my house, a place that was weirdly so unfamiliar to me before. Taking her clothes out of our wardrobe and her shoes out of the shoe rack was the last thing I did, and after that, it felt quite empty for a while. But then Youngso’s tiny shoes took some space in the entrance and I discovered that I liked buying clothes for myself too. Life went on, it was still hard, but less. It was just a dull pain somewhere in my chest, something I would only feel when I thought about it or someone reminded me that I was supposed to be in pain. I allowed myself to cry, even in front of them, because sometimes it hurt really, really bad. At first, I felt bad because it made Hyunsang cry too. But then I realized he needed to understand that he wasn’t the only one suffering, and that it was okay to feel like that too.

Her memory, the shape of her face, the way she smelled, all of this faded in Hyunsang’s mind but it stayed in his heart, I’m sure of it. Sometimes, even I forget what it felt like to hold her, or what exact colour her eyes were, but she will always be in my heart and in my head. Two years after she passed away, I realised I was content with my life, not really _happy_ yet, but content. Grateful I had my amazing sons with me, glad they were growing healthily and without too much tears and sad days. And then I met you.”

“I’m so sorry again for picking you up late! Hyunbin didn’t want me to leave and as much as I like to think I’m the one with the upper hand, I just can’t resist a crying broccoli.” Jibeom said while Jinho was buckling his seatbelt.

“It’s perfectly fine!” Jinho hated being late, but he hated making his friend feel bad even more. From what Jibeom had said, the barbecue they were going to would be quite crowded anyway, nobody would miss them for the 30 minutes it would take them to go there. However, as if all the traffic lights in the country were against them, it took the two friends way longer to get to the cottage than intended. When they got out of the car, music could already be heard from the garden on the other side of the house, the wind carrying the muffled sounds of conversation to them.

Jinho couldn’t remember the last time he had gone out without his sons, not to mention to go to a place where he knew close to no one. Even when he had been a teenager, parties had not really been his thing. He didn’t know what to expect from this one, but certainly not to enter the garden and be greeted by a stranger singing a pop song he couldn’t remember the name of at the top of his lungs. His right hand was high in the air, his long hair, longer than most men at least, falling in front of his bright eyes.

When his performance ended, Jinho almost started clapping before realizing no one was doing so. His hands stayed on his side while Jibeom was laughing loudly beside him, sweeping tears from his eyes.

“Well, I’m sorry for the late arrival but I’m glad we were quick enough to witness this.” his friend said between two hiccups.

Maybe it was because of how carefree he looked, giving him a kind and approachable aura, but when Jinho’s eyes met the man’s, he couldn’t look away, couldn’t do anything but send him what he hoped looked like a warm smile. Eye contact made him uncomfortable most of the time, always unsure about when one became borderline creepy from how long it was. But the singer – his voice was amazing from what Jinho had heard over the music – seemed like the type of person who would laugh it off, or keep looking at you with a smile until you looked away.

Jinho learned a few minutes after they had made their way to the little group that the man was Jeonghun, the one Jibeom had talked about before, the one who made the donkey impersonation. Jinho had not found the courage to confess he had never seen Shrek before and didn’t know what that even implied.

Before they could even properly speak with each other, they parted ways and Jinho didn’t see Jeonghun for a while. The singer stayed with his friends while Jibeom was introducing Jinho to so many faces he knew he wouldn’t remember half of them the next morning. Even if he was shy, Jinho knew how to act around strangers. He smiled, listened, kept his back straight, his voice soft and never forgot to ask questions to keep the conversation going.

From time to time, his mind would wander off just by hearing laughters come from where Jeonghun was. Seemed like he enjoyed being the life of the party. Jinho sometimes wished he could be more like that. He knew people rarely thought badly of him but how did they remember him after that? Did they even remembered him at all? Would they remember a guy that was proper enough but couldn’t crack a joke before knowing a person for at least 2 months? People probably remembered Jeonghun, even after seeing him for a short while. He was lively, charming, pretty. Jinho knew he would remember him.

It felt like years before Jinho was finally able to take a seat and just quietly observe what was going on around, his favourite activity. Looking at people having fun was his own definition of fun. With the music playing but at a lower level now, the distinct smell of barbecue in the air, mixed with this smell only warm summer nights had, Jinho lost track of time. His mind wandered off to his sons and if they were asleep by now. It had been a long time since they had to go to bed without him by their side. Did his sister had read them a story? Had they ate all their dinner even if Jinho had put vegetables they didn’t really liked in it, hidden by sauce and a lot of rice?

He almost missed Jeonghun sitting next to him, would probably have if the plastic chair had not made a weird sound when the man sat on it.

“How did you met Jibeom ? Seems like you work in two very different environments.” the singer said. Jinho was now sure he was one from what he had heard during the numerous small talks he had during the evening.

“We didn’t meet at work.” Jinho answered. And if it was anyone else, he would have probably stopped at that with a soft smile, but for some reason he wanted to say more, just to make sure Jeonghun would remember him as something else than “that quiet cellist he had met one time, what was his name again ?”. “His son is in the same class as mine.”

A small “Oh” escaped Jeonghun’s lips, so small Jinho wasn’t sure the man himself had realized he had said it. Almost as a pavlovian response, Jinho took his phone out of his jeans pocket and pressed a button to make the faces of his sons appear on the screen. Was it crazy to say he missed them? He had been away for 3 hours, maybe 4 now.

“Are these your sons?” Jeonghun asked over his shoulder, his head so close to it Jihno seriously wondered if he was going to lay on him.

For once, just once, Jinho decided to not think too much about what he was supposed to do. They didn’t know each other but Jinho felt like he knew at least this much: Jeonghun would understand. He unlocked his phone and proceeded to show the man next to him, a complete stranger, a lovely stranger, dozens of pictures of his sons, videos of them eating, playing, singing. To be honest, he loved doing this, brag about how beautiful and amazing and witty his sons were but he never dared, not knowing if people would care enough. But Jeonghun seemed to care, at first because he had asked about his lockscreen and now by adding little comments about the pictures.

Then, he said a comment Jinho should have seen coming, just from how much he had been put in this situation in the last 3 years. But he never learned how to expect such comments, just learned how to have a proper reaction for them. “Oh my god, their mother must have had a mental breakdown seeing this.”

On the videos, his sons were covered with flour, smiling at the camera while baking. Jinho took his eyes off of the video to look at Jeonghun who was still looking at it. He hated this part the most, saying it to people and seeing their expression change completely, seeing the sadness, the embarrassment and the pity on their faces. There was nothing to pity, even if the situation was clearly a sad one. When Jeonghun finally looked at him, Jinho sent him a small smile, just to say it was okay without saying it.

“She is no longer with us. It’s only me and them now.”

Of course Jeonghun apologized, like people always did. Apologize for what? Assuming their family was like almost every family out there? Assuming his children didn’t fall from the sky and had a mother? Apologizing for talking about a dead person? His wife was dead, she wasn’t the one who shouldn’t be named. Frankly, he liked to talk about her, just because he liked to make sure she would live in someone else’s mind, at least for a while. But people didn’t like that as much as he did, and he had learned to not talk too much about her, to not upset people. A weird thing if you thought about it, he should be the one to be upset, and if he wasn’t then people shouldn’t either.

He wanted to say that much to Jeonghun but felt like it was too much, even if he had a good feeling about him. He didn’t want to sound like he was mad at him personally for saying sorry. He was just mad at basically everyone when these conversations occurred anyway.

Jinho asked Jeonghun to see him again, to play the song he had sang earlier, to try to learn to play it at least. Maybe there was something else behind it but he didn’t want to think too much about it. Jinho didn’t have a lot of friends but he had really reliable and close ones, like most of adults in their 30s had. He wanted to be friends with Jeonghun, even if they seemed to have very different life styles and Jeonghun was younger than him.

So he had asked for his number, and then had been the one to settle a date for their first meeting. He had asked by text, something he was not really a fan of, but since he didn’t know Jeonghun that well, didn’t know him at all actually, calling was probably a little too much.

They met in a cafe next to his training place. Jinho – during the 30 minutes he had before the time they had chose to meet on – had time to overthink everything. Firstly, he needed to stop coming so early to meetings, because that gave him time to think about everything he had done wrong and all the things that could possibly go wrong when the person would finally arrive. Then he thought about his outfit and how he was probably overdressed with his brown blazer and his formal pants. Not to mention he had put glasses on, glasses he didn’t even need to see. He was scared that Jeonghun would be able to see they weren’t real glasses and he had put them on just to look good. Look good for who? Look good for what? He was just supposed to meet a colleague, maybe someone who would become a friend. This was ridiculous.

He was ready to put the glasses in his bag when Jeonghun showed up. His hair slightly more curly than the first time they had met. And was that tint on his lips? Jinho was now asking himself two questions : “Should I had put lip tint on?” and, most importantly, “Is this a date?”. He put the second one in the back of his mind, the little voice in his head repeating Jeonghun would never in a million years think about this meeting with a senior as a date.

Jinho played the cello, Jeonghun played the guitar and sang. Somewhat, they decided it was worth repeating and it became a routine. After that, Jinho’s life, mind and heart was divided between his sons, his work and Jeonghun. Jinho laughed a lot when he was with him, and that made him feel light, something he had not felt in a long time. He didn’t really forget about all the responsibilities he had and all the things he had to do back home, but for a short while he would think “let’s do this later, this can wait a little bit more”, something that terrified him before.

More than a friend, Jeonghun was an inspiration, someone he looked up to and Jinho wasn’t scared to tell him so. Kind words would just tumble out of his mouth now and then, in this serene voice he had. Saying he didn’t enjoy seeing Jeonghun blush and squirm on his chair every time he would compliment him would have been a lie. Added to the rosy colour of his cheeks when Jinho would get close, there were all these looks during practice, always when Jeonghun thought Jinho wasn’t paying attention. That was something he hadn’t learned about him yet, Jinho _always_ payed attention. He felt those eyes on the back of his neck, on his hands and face when he was playing. And it wasn’t like Jinho wasn’t doing the same. He knew very well that he was looking at Jeonghun more than necessary, especially when the man was busy doing something else and would frown while focusing. He had dismissed thoughts about it so many times before, he couldn’t even count how many. But it eventually came down to this moment, the both of them playing on the same cello after Jeonghun had asked Jinho to teach him how to play a simple song.

Even with the chair between them, Jinho could feel the warmth of Jeonghun’s body against his chest, the faint sent of his hair. He could feel his friend’s hands under his and he wondered if Jeonghun had noticed how fast his heart was beating against his back. At this point, Jinho didn’t know if he just wished there was something between them or if there really was. All he knew is that he could feel the tension around them, something so foreign and scary, but somehow comforting.

Seeing Jeonghun so focused in getting a few notes right on this instrument he knew nothing about, Jinho suddenly felt very grateful for him. The man had made him happier, in this moment he was sure of it. All the laughters, the serious conversations, the little questions about his life, the answers he would give about his own, it was in all of those things. Jinho was tired of fighting it, tired of pretending he was fine with being just a friend to Jeonghun. He could only hope Jeonghun was tired of it too.

When the singer finished the part of the song he had learned, Jinho got closer again, closing the little distance there was between them to wrap his arms around Jeonghun’s shoulders, his head coming to rest on one of them, the tip of Jinho’s nose barely touching the skin of Jeonghun’s neck. He wanted to believe they were at a point in their relationship where Jeonghun would have said something if he was feeling uncomfortable. But Jinho couldn’t hear anything except his own heart, beating against his ribcage as if it wanted to break through it. He stayed like that for a few more seconds, feeling Jeonghun frantic heart under his hands.

“What is that for ?” Jeonghun asked in a wavering voice.

“Thank you for being you, No Jeonghun.” He couldn’t find another way to say it. He was just grateful for Jeonghun as a whole. For the grumpy Jeonghun, the one that would speak too loud and sometimes knock things over without realizing. He was grateful for the quiet moments and the ones filled with laughters or bickering. He was grateful for all those moments when he felt like Jeonghun understood him, truly understood him, as if he could see through him or had read the entire “How to handle a Hong Jinho” manual. Jinho had always been a secretive person, something he got from his parents probably, but feeling like he didn’t have to say anything to hear a comforting “I’m here” was nice.

He didn’t need for Jeonghun to understand what he had just said, he just needed to say it before he lost the strength to do so. Maybe Jeonghun would understand one day, if he met someone he was grateful for like Jinho was for him. Then he would know.

When he got back up, Jinho had already decided he was going to confess that night, no matter how scary it sounded and how much he couldn’t imagine loosing Jeonghun. He was going to do it because he needed to, and because being selfish for once in his life wasn’t going to make the world fall apart. Before the little voice in his head could convince him it was the most stupid idea he ever had in his 35 years of life, Jinho was dressed and ready to get out of the studio, his cello neatly placed in its case.

Jeonghun looked confused when he saw Jinho at the door so quickly, when he offered to drive him to his apartment, and even more when Jinho put his hand on his thigh. All Jinho could do, his throat tied by nervousness, was to give him a warm smile, just to say he was fine, that they were fine.

They eventually arrived at Jeonghun’s apartment complex and Jinho couldn’t believe how long the walk between the parking lot and the front of his door was. How long could a lift to the 4th floor be? Neither of them said anything when they arrived at the door, the silence stretching between them, each passing second filled with a new “you shouldn’t do that” in Jinho’s mind. Jeonghun’s eyes weren’t leaving his, his face painted with confusion.

Jinho didn’t feel ready to say anything yet, about all he was thinking of, all the endearing but frightening things he had to say, all the emotions he felt. His face slowly came closer to Jeonghun’s, his eyes searching for any discomfort or disagreement. When he saw none of these on Jeonghun’s face, he said “Jeonghun, I’m really sorry if I read all the signs wrong.” before placing the briefest and lightest kiss on the singers’ lips.

“Good night Jeonghun.” Jinho murmured, still shocked by what he had just done. “Sleep well.”

Before he could even see Jeonghun’s expression or hear what he had to say about his friend and senior having feelings for him, Jinho turned on his heels and made his way to the elevator. His heart in his throat, he looked back a few times, only to be met with the sight of Jeonghun’s back, the man still facing the other end of the corridor. Maybe he didn’t want to meet his eyes ever again.

It’s only when the doors of the elevator were closing, Jeonghun’s figure slowly disappearing between them, blurry behind the tears forming in Jinho’s eyes, that he finally heard his voice : “Text me when you get home !”.

That was the most Jeonghun thing he could have done, saying such a mundane thing in such an important moment. Jinho smiled to himself and thought for a brief moment about what all of this implied for them. Then his phone rang.

When he looked at it, a picture of Jeonghun with the silliest smile ever was looking back at him. Jinho took the call, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this.” Jeonghun said, his smile so evident even if he couldn’t see him.

“I’m so glad I did.” Jinho said. He was glad he had found the strength to do what made him happy for once. The future looked bright and Jihno couldn’t wait to experience it.

**A few months later **

He had though about telling them countless times already: in the car after school, during dinner, on a lazy sunday morning. A quick thought, “do it now”, directly overshadowed by anxiety, a feeling of tightness in his throat, slowly expending to his ribcage. Every time, he had shook his head, as if he wanted his thoughts to go away, all of them. Thinking about nothing was probably better than battling with himself.

So many times he had tried to be rational about it, laying on his bed after a long day, contemplating what exactly could go wrong when he would tell his sons he had met someone he loved. Because, after all, that was all it was: two people loving each other dearly. He wasn’t going to ask them to call him dad, wasn’t even going to ask Jeonghun to live with them. Not for now. It was only logical for the two most important parts of his life to collide one day or another. It had been months since he had met Jeonghun, more than a formality, it was now a necessity.

Hyunsang and Youngso wouldn’t be mean about it, asking for their dad to stop seeing that person out of jealousy and resentment. He had raised them, he knew that very well. But children were unpredictable like any human being could be. You thought you knew them until they surprised you one day, in a good or a bad way.

“Hyunsang it’s my turn to have the watering can !” Youngso already had his hands on the handle of the plastic toy, tugging on it to make Hyunsang let go.

Jinho snapped out of his thought to ask Hyunsang to give the mini watering can to his brother.“You already have the boat in your other hand.” he added before taking the shampoo bottle on the edge of the bathtub. He poured a little bit of product in his hand before massaging Youngso’s scalp through his black hair.

Maybe there was no better moment than one of these, just the three of them doing a daily activity, being relaxed and open to conversation. There was no music, no TV, no distraction around them. Jinho breathed through his nose a couple of times, shampooed Hyunsang’s hair and started to talk : “Dad has something to tell you.”. The two boys didn’t seem to really care, still playing with the toys , filling them with water before pouring it back in the tub. Maybe it was better like that, seeing their waiting eyes on him would have been too much.

“Dad met someone a few months ago, even before Hyunsang’s 6th birthday.” Jinho started, feeling more nervous than ever before.

“I’m 6 and a half now !” Hyunsang said, rubbing his eyes as shampoo was running down into them.

“I know, you are a big boy now.” Jinho suddenly felt a little bit sad saying that. Where had the time gone? It felt like a few weeks ago when he changed Hyunsang’s diaper, barely a week since he took Youngso in his arms for the first time. Since then, so many things had changed but it felt like nothing had at the same time. He didn’t feel like he had changed. He was more responsible, had went through grief, a lot of pain, but also the joy of seeing his second son go to school for the first time, but somehow it felt like he was still the Jinho who would come back home from work earlier just to listen to his first born in his wife’s belly.

“And it’s because you are both big boys that I want to tell you something very important to me.” No need to beat around the bushes more, he needed to say it. “I met someone that I love a lot.” It felt even more strange to say it out loud than what he had expected. Was he supposed to explain what love was? Was that even possible, explaining to children this strange feeling you get in your chest and stomach when you see someone you’re in love with? Love was everywhere around these boys. He loved them, their grandparents loved them, they loved their friends at school. But romantic feelings were somewhat different.

“Like you love us?” Hyunsang asked, still looking at his plastic boat he was now trying to sink by putting various objects in it.

Jinho smiled, proud of how smart his ever growing boy was. “No, differently. I love him like Nanny loves Pappy, or like Rapunzel loves Eugene. I am in love with him.”

Hyunsang nodded, like he had perfectly understood what all of this meant and implied.

“Would you agree to meet him ?” Jinho asked, running a shaking hand through his hair. He wondered if the fact he had clearly specified this person was a man had not registered in their head yet or if they genuinely didn’t care. After all, the definition of normality was something that was taught to you.

“What’s his name?” Youngso had his eyes closed when he raised his head in Jinho’s general direction. The man laughed at his son’s cute expression and the way his hands were still playing with the water even if he couldn’t see anything.

Jinho took it as his cue to rinse the shampoo from their heads and grabbed the shower head, pushing their hair back as he poured the warm water on the crown of their head. “His name is Jeonghun.”

Hyunsang’s eyes suddenly went wide under the hand Jinho had gently placed on his forehead to prevent the water from running in his eyes. “Jeonghun from the swimming pool ?” he said, shock clear in his voice.

Jinho had completely forgotten than the man who had taught Hyunsang how to swim last summer was name Jeonghun too. He directed the water stream to the wall before throwing his head back to laugh. “No, not Jeonghun from the swimming pool, another one. He’s a musician like me. I can show you a picture of him later if you want.”

Jinho had forgotten about his suggestion by the time they were all in the children’s bedroom, reading a story their dad knew by heart from how much they liked to read it before bed. His back against the frame of Hyunsang’s bed, the two children lying on it, covered by the duvet, Jinho was flipping through the pages, making different voices for every character.

When the baby crocodile had finally found his way back to his mom and had befriended the entire swamp, Jinho closed the book and turned around to ask Youngso to go to his own bed. The little boy jumped from one bed to another under the eyes of a frowning Jinho.

“You’re not a monkey Youngso, don’t jump from bed to bed like that.” he said while putting the book in their bookcase. He could hear Hyunsang do what sounded like monkey sounds behind his back, receiving muffled laughters from his brother.

“Dad, can we see a picture of Jeonghun?” Youngso asked, the duvet pulled up to his nose.

As he took his phone out of his pocket, Hyunsang crawled to the end of his bed to see it too. Jinho crouched between their two beds and unlocked the device before going to his gallery. It was still filled with pictures of his children but from time to time, you could see pictures of a long haired man, often holding a guitar or chopsticks at a restaurant. Jinho chose one of his favourite. A picture he took when Jeonghun wasn’t looking. The man had his eyes closed and was singing in a microphone, glasses high on the bridge of his nose and his curly hair gathered in a tiny ponytail.

“Here he is.” he said with a fond smile. The two boys got even closer to the phone, their head bumping against one and other in their haste.

“Does he know how to sing ?” Hyunsang asked while swiping left to see more pictures.

“Yes! And he plays the guitar. And the piano.” Was he trying to sell Jeonghun to his sons at this point? Was he trying to prove his boyfriend was the coolest person on earth to make them more keen on meeting him?

“That’s so cool.” Hyunsang said in what could only be described as amazement. Was it working?

“I like his hair.” Youngso said while looking at a picture of Jeonghun, leaning over the table while eating noodles, his hair falling in front of his face in waves. Jinho could remember he had taken this picture during one of their first date at a restaurant, laughing behind his phone from how much Jeonghun was focused on the food, eating so much Jinho couldn’t understand how he wasn’t feeling sick.

“Is he coming tomorrow?” Jinho looked at Youngso, surprise and happiness blooming in his chest.

“No, not tomorrow. But he could come this weekend maybe? This way you won’t have to go to bed early when he’s here. Does that sound good?” The cellist looked at Youngso and Hyunsang, getting a nod from the both of them.

Two kisses and a hug for each one of them later, Jinho flipped the switch of their bedroom light and exited the room. He took his phone out once again, going directly to his text conversation with Jeonghun.

_Does Friday night sounds good to you ? _

The last thing he saw before going to bed was the text from Jeonghun “_Yes! Yes! Sounds amazing_” and a gif of a random person dancing sent just after it.

Jinho was trying very hard to calm the beating of his heart and organize his messy thoughts. Firday night had come way faster than expected and he was already on his way to pick Jeonghun up at his apartment before going back to his. An apartment where two excited kids were waiting to meet the person their dad was in love with. Jinho had almost lost his mind as soon as he had woken up this morning, immediately remembering what was going to happen in the evening. Youngso and Hyunsang had even brought it up during breakfast, asking the hour they would arrive and if Jeonghun was ready to come. He probably wasn’t, and Jinho couldn’t tell he was either.

When he stopped his car in front of the apartment complex, his hands were shaking on the steering wheel even if it was warm in the car. Before sending a text to Jeonghun to inform him he was waiting in front of the building, he took the time to close his eyes for a few seconds, breathing deeply through his nose. He couldn’t be the one to get anxious on this day, Jeonghun was probably going to be really stressed out about all of this and he had to be there for him.

He needed just two things: for his sons to like Jeonghun and for him to like them. What if Youngso and Hyunsang decided they didn’t want to share him with someone else? Would he be able to go against them and still live his life as if they had not said anything? What if Jeonghun realized dating someone with kids was too much work and he wasn’t ready for it? So many questions he had asked himself, even before this dinner had been set. Those questions were already running through his mind when he had come back home the night he had kissed Jeonghun for the first time. They were there when they had spent an entire night looking at videos of his sons on the tv, laying down on the couch. They were the only thing he could think of now, just a few minutes before the 3 of them finally met.

As if he had been waiting behind the front door, it took only a minute for Jeonghun to come down from his apartment and enter the car after Jinho had sent him a quick “I’m here”. Seeing his anxious smile, as strange as it was, helped Jinho feel better. They were in this together and everything would be fine because they had each other.

“You know they won’t kill you right ?” Jinho asked, seeing how Jeonghun was playing nervously with his hands and the hem of his sweatshirt.

“They could hate me, that’s way worst!” Jeonghun said in a sight. Jinho couldn’t help but laugh a little. This man and his tendency to be overly dramatic was going to be the death of him in one way or another.

When the silent stretched between them, Jinho immediately understood Jeonghun was left alone with his thoughts, something he didn’t need right now. He took the singer’s hand, the one he had put in the space between the two seats, in his without looking away from the road.

Over the last few months, Jinho had sensed that Jeonghun needed physical touch to get out of his own head and to understand that people were there for him. He put their joined hands on his laps and played with Jeonghun’s finger in what he hoped to be a soothing manner.

“You’re over thinking aren’t you?” Jinho asked the other man, rounding the corner that lead to his apartment. More than anything, he needed Jeonghun to realize how strong he was, how much Jinho needed him. “You’re the optimist in this relationship and I need you to be just that right now, okay?”

The little nod and smile he got back from Jeonghun were the last things he needed to put his heart at ease. Even children would be able to see how amazing Jeonghun was. This caring and bright personality of his, it was the reason why Hyunsang and Youngso would love him, and also the reason why Jeonghun would never leave him just because he felt like his children were too much.

Hyunsang’s personality was very similar to Jinho’s on many points but that didn’t mean he understood what his son was thinking all the time. The little secretive boy was still a mystery to him most of the time, making him question how he could anticipate his needs or understand them without the need to talk. Jeonghun had been in their apartment for a few hours only and he seemed to have mastered the Hyunsang’s language already.

Jinho could tell his son was curious and wanted to learn about Jeonghun from the quick glances he would give him from time to time, his toys forgotten on his laps for a few seconds as he was looking at his dad and his boyfriend interacting. Jeonghun probably felt the piercing eyes of the 6 years old on him but said nothing about it, didn’t try to make too much eye contact with him either but somehow managed to ask him a few questions, mostly about random things like the name of his toys or who was the character on his tee shirt.

Because Youngso was much easier to approach, people tended to direct all their attention to him, but Jeonghun was trying his best to please the two of them. He had listened to all the crazy, and sometimes completely made up, stories Youngso had talked about during dinner. His comments had seemed genuine too. Maybe that’s how it felt like when you had not heard a new version of the same story every evening for the last few months. Even if he probably didn’t know it, he was winning Hyunsang over too, without even directly interacting with him. The boy was slowly warming up to him, going as far as asking for more noodles to Jeonghun directly when Jinho was busy filling Youngso’s glass with water.

But it was after dinner, when Hyunsang ran to him, that Jinho understood how close the two of them could get. Hyunsang was gripping the side of Jinho’s shirt in a tight fist, asking for his attention even if the man was still washing the dishes.

“Do we have a guitar?” Hyunsang asked with pleading eyes and pouty lips, looking a lot like the cat in Shrek, movie he had finally watched with Jeonghun a few weeks ago.

“I’m afraid we don’t, Hyun.” Jinho said. He dried his hand before running his hand in his sons hair and gently stroking his cheek with the back of his fingers. “Jeonghun will have to come back with his own another day.”

Less sad and defeated than Jinho had expected, Hyunsang made his way back to the living room. The cellist heard him ask Jeonghun to come back and exited the kitchen quick enough to see the two of them make a promise with their pinkies. Nothing could have made him happier than the prospect of another one of these evenings. It was too early to say if this could become a regular thing, even more to know if this could become their daily life, a routine they could ease themselves into. One thing was sure, Jeonghun was made to take care of children and Jinho hoped he wanted to take care of his.

Before he left, Jeonghun gave a hug to Youngso and Hyunsang and a quick kiss to Jinho. “Those boys are the cutest human beings ever. I can’t wait to comeback.” he simply said with a smile, his mouth close to Jinho’s ear.

The door wasn’t even closed yet when his sons started to ask when Jeonghun was supposed to come back. Jinho had never been this happy to realize he had been worried for nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought about this concept and if you would like more chapters rewritten from Jinho's point of you ! Thank you for reading and for your kind comments and tweets, it seriously means a lot to me !!!


	10. THROUGH JINHO’S EYES PT.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically chapter 7 from Jinho's point of view !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was going to be a very short chapter but here we are...hope you will like reading this chapter from Jinho's point of view. Even if this is a rewriting of a previous chapter, it's highly inspired by THE comment from Jinho on I'll's instagram slvffbgjb

“And then Kango started running really fast and Hyunbin couldn’t believe his eyes.” Youngso said while jumping on the bed Jinho and Jeonghun shared. “That’s why you need to buy me the same shoes as Kango.”

From what Jinho could see, Jeonghun must had put his phone on Jinho’s night stand, probably against the glass he always kept there.

“Let’s be clear, I didn’t agree to buy him said shoes.” Jeonghun said, appearing in the frame, a hanger in one hand, a shirt in the other. Apparently he had decided to Marie Kondo their entire closet while Jinho was away. Even thousand of miles away, the cellist had been able to follow the process thanks to the hundred of pictures Jeonghun had sent him to ask what he was keeping, what was bringing him joy and if he had worn his navy gym shorts in the last 5 weeks.

“Dad, look !” Youngso, his hands and the top of his head on the bed, was trying to do a roll, his feet always failing to go over his head. “I learned this when we went to the dance class with daddy.”

Jinho smiled and softly whistled, unable to clap while holding the phone up. “That’s amazing! Is daddy getting better at dancing?”

Youngso didn’t even spare a glance to a dumbfounded Jeonghun before answering. “Not really! Hyeongbin’s mom is always making fun of him.”

Jinho let out a laugh. It wasn’t that Jeonghun wasn’t trying, he was, really hard, but dance wasn’t for him. Still, his weekly dance class with their two sons was something very close to his heart, probably because he knew Hyunsang would one day tell him he didn’t want to go anymore. Jinho was happy they had their thing, something they could talk about, sometimes telling jokes he didn’t understand. He was happy with just being their biggest fan, cheering from the couch while they were doing their new routine in the living room.

Jeonghun appeared on the screen again, this time with what looked like their entire jeans collection in his arms. He let them fall on the bed, his hands coming to rest on his hips while he looked at the pile in front of him, defeated. A sight, followed directly by a determined nod and a quick smile. To who? The pair of jeans? The little Marie Kondo in his head? Jinho knew he shouldn’t ask if he didn’t want to hear about the latest self development podcast Jeonghun had listened to. He wasn’t sure he believed in the efficiency of all those theories but he was sure of one thing, they made Jeonghun less anxious, happier and that was the most efficient way to make Jinho happier.

“Do you want me to call Hyunsang?” Jeonghun asked, not really waiting for Jinho’s “please” before he made his way to the door, a quick “Hyun!” echoing in their small hallway.

He heard Hyunsang before he saw him, the muffled sound of his slippers on the wooden floor, followed by a body climbing the bed. The child took a quick glance at the phone before lying directly on top of his little brother, his stomach againt the other’s back, his head over Youngso’s.

The youngest huffed and wiggled under the other. “Hyunsang, you’re heavy! Get off!”

Hyunsang rolled over without arguing and lied on his stomach right next to his brother, the two of them facing Jeonghun’s phone. He waved at the camera, looking at his own face in the corner of the screen. After a few seconds, he redirected his attention to Jinho, offering him his brightest, toothless smile.

“How are you doing, my baby ?”

Jinho smiled at Hyunsang familiar “I’m not a baby.”. Most of the time, Jinho called him like that just to see him exhale loudly, sometimes rolling his eyes and shaking his head as to say “when will you understand?”.

“When are you coming back?” the 6 years old said, looking directly at the Jinho through the screen.

This was a conversation they’d had every single day since he had flown to Germany. Hyunsang had cried a lot when Jinho had left the apartment, bursting into tears when he called them the first time. It had taken some time but, according to Jeonghun, he was doing better, sleeping longer, eating more, not talking about Jinho as often. They knew Hyunsang was an anxious child, even if he tried to play it off, staying silent to hide the never ending battle in his mind. More than anything in the world, the little boy hated to break his routine, a routine in which Jinho played a big part, being the one to get them to school, to cook dinner and to put them to bed. The first evening, as if he couldn’t imagine an entire day without his dad, Hyunsang had put a fourth plate on the table before dinner, certain that Jinho would come back and eat with them. It was another flow of tears Jeonghun had had to dry by himself, quickly followed by Youngso’s after seeing his brother so sad.

“In 5 days.” Jinho said with a sad smiled he hoped looked warm and reassuring on the other side of the world. “You won’t even realize it and I will already be back, don’t worry.”

Hyunsang nodded, his mouth still turned downwards in a pout. “I miss you.” he simply said, playing with the comforter.

Without a word, Youngso got closer to his brother, climbing on his back to engulf him in a hug. Hyunsang didn’t even pretend to be annoyed like he sometimes did, melting into the hug, his head on the bed, letting his breath match Youngso’s.

“And I miss you more, little bubs.” Jinho lied down, holding his phone over his face.

The last time he had had an oversea concert was way before Youngso’s birth, Hyunsang had only been a baby at the time. Rosy cheeks and chubby little feet he had only been able to see on the pictures his wife had sent him on his outdated phone. The little boy couldn’t talk and had probably not even noticed he had been gone for a few days. It was different now. They were two, they were older and they had definitely noticed he had been gone during the last few days. Even with all technology could provide, the video calls two or three times a day, the pictures they sent each other, the voice messages, the thousands of kilometres between them were still there. They were the cold in his hotel bed at night, the silence when he was in public transportation and the cleanness of the table after a meal with only adults around it.

Going to sleep was the hardest. Maybe Hyunsang and Youngso weren’t the only one who needed to read a story before going to bed. Maybe he needed this time too. A time when he could smell the faint scent of their shampoo while they were lying in bed, their faces so close to his their hair tickled his neck. A time that had been made of the three of them a few months ago, but was now made of four people around a book, a story totally made up by Jeonghun or a quiet conversation about what they had done that day. Because bed time stories didn’t have to be about super heroes, exotic animals or princes. It could be about Hyunsang’s first time reading an entire sentence in class or Youngso’s love for mushrooms. Sometimes it was just Jinho playing some classical music on his phone and petting his sons’ hair while they were slowly falling asleep, their breath becoming more even, until he was sure he could get out of the room without waking them up. And maybe he should have made them go to sleep on their own more often, because now he couldn’t close his eyes without feeling like something was missing, like he had forgotten to do something. The thirty minutes, sometimes even an hour he usually spent with them, the only source of light a turtle that made wave patterns on the walls and a little star shaped lamp, were now spent in front of the TV, watching shows in a language he barely understood. When it was bed time for him, it was barely morning where they lived and Jinho always preferred to go through another sleepless night than wake Jeonghun up one or two hours before his usual alarm. Sleep was precious when you had two children to take care of, he knew that very well. So he tossed and turned in his bed, over and over again, until his mind finally shut off long enough for him to finally fall in a dreamless sleep.

He missed them, their warmth, Hyunsang’s witty comments and the way Youngso’s mind would sometimes go too fast for his mouth and he couldn’t speak clearly. He missed Jeonghun, the way his smile would make him feel warm and how he would always squeeze his hands before falling asleep.

And maybe all of this was too much, too dramatic. After all, he would go back to them and get all of these things back in his daily routine as if this week had never happened. But in the meantime he was alone. Alone like he had not been since the day he had moved to their apartment with Hyunsang’s mother, 7 years ago. He didn’t want to feel the emptiness. He wanted to feel as full as when it was just the four of them playing games or eating delicious food.

Jinho let himself watch them be their usual self for a little more, making sure to screenshot their video call a few times to keep a trace of how his two sons looked, Youngso on top of Hyunsang, both looking like they were made to stay like this forever. In the back, Jeonghun was putting their jeans back in the closet, all of them. Jinho would probably not feel too lost about the changes in their apartment at this rate.

The singer closed the doors of the closet and climbed on the bed, lying next to the two children, his hands under his chin. “Do you miss me?” he said in a sweet voice, batting his lashes like the girls in old cartoons.

Jinho pretended to think about it for a few seconds, Jeonghun’s face slowly falling on the screen. “Not really?”

They both knew it was a lie but after they had all exchanged kisses through the screen and hang up, Jinho took a selfie, his fingers in a little heart, a big smile on his face and sent it to Jeonghun with the caption: “I miss you the most. I love you.”

A few minutes later, he received a picture taken in the mirror of their bathroom, Youngso on Jeonghun’s shoulders, Hyunsang seated next to the sink, the three of them making peace signs and smiling widely for the phone in Jeonghun’s hand. “You’re lucky you’re cute. Can’t wait for you to come back !!!!”

Jinho saved the picture, like he always did and locked his phone, but not before putting said picture as his lockscreen.

Jinho had been in this strange state between being awake and asleep, not totally unconscious but not feeling like he could move a muscle even if he wanted to, when his phone buzzed on the night stand. Suddenly fully awake, he took a quick look at the hour on the alarm clock, the big red numbers indicating 3:30 am. Falling asleep had been particularly hard that night, the idea of going back home in less than two days keeping his mind busy.

The cellist searched for his phone without opening his eyes, his hand touching the surface randomly until he could feel the cold electronic device. In the few seconds it took, fear rose in his chest. What could be so important someone had to call him in the middle of the night? What if something had happened? What if one of the people he loved the most was injured or sick?

Before he could come up with a worst scenario, Jinho picked up, blinking a few times to see who was calling before putting the phone to his ear. “Jeonghun?” he said, his voice raspy.

He heard the quiet ruffle of fabric and a little gasp from his boyfriend. Jeonghun sounded anxious but not frantic which helped Jinho to feel a little bit more at ease.

“Oh my god, I totally forgot it was the middle of the night for you. Go back to sleep, I love you.” Jinho was now sure it was not as serious as he had imagined in the few seconds before picking up. As much as Jeonghun hated to make him worry, he would have told him if something serious had happened, even in the middle of the night. However, serious or not, Jinho wanted to know why Jeonghun had felt the need to call him.

Because he felt like Jeonghun was about to hang up, Jinho called his name again, a little bit louder in case the phone wasn’t next to his ear anymore. “If I had been asleep, the phone would have not woken me up.” Jinho rose to a seated position, putting a pillow behind his back to be more comfortable. “What’s wrong?”

Something obviously was, Jinho knew how Jeonghun sounded when he had something on his mind and he could almost see the frown on his face from the other side of the world. Without taking a single breath between words, Jeonghun explained the situation to him, how Youngso and Hyunsang had drawn on the wall of their bedroom while he was working, that the drawing was beautifully executed and was supposed to represent Pokemons and trees and that it was a gift for the both of them. All of this definitely sounded like something the two boys could have done.

Jeonghun eventually took a deep breath and added “Now they’re waiting for me in their room and I don’t know what to do. Please help me.”. He sounded so lost, so vulnerable and Jinho wished he could have just hugged his worries away. But he couldn’t and he had to do that with words over the phone at 3:30 am.

“What do you mean you don’t know what to do?” Jinho was genuinely confused, not entirely sure about what was the issue here, except maybe the fact they would have to repaint the bedroom wall. “Of course you know what to do, you don’t need me to tell you.”

“But what if I don’t? You always know what to do when they do something silly.” Jeonghun’s voice sounded wet now, as if he was about to cry. “You’re always the one to go to the school meetings too.”

Jinho’s half asleep brain couldn’t caught up with the situation and the issues they were discussing. Jeonghun’s breath was becoming more and more frantic over the phone, enough to make Jinho feel anxious. They went through a few deep exhales and inhales, Jeonghun shaky ones echoing Jinho’s.

“What if they hate me after this?”. If Jinho’s attention had not entirely been on Jeonghun, listening to each of his breathings, he would have missed it from how quietly he had said it. The issue was there, and it had always been.

Because, at first, Jeonghun had been saying it as if it was a joke, Jinho had had a hard time understanding his insecurities about their children were real. Jeonghun was scared of being a bad father, of not being seen as their father at all, of being an added piece that didn’t quite fit the puzzle their family was. Except he was the exact piece they were missing, the one you find randomly and complete your puzzle after months of feeling sad about it being unfinished. Jinho tried to understand Jeonghun because he truly believed his fear were real and deeply engraved in his mind and heart but to be fair, most of the time he didn’t. The Jeonghun he saw everyday with their children, playing, joking, this Jeonghun couldn’t be afraid of not being enough because he was so much more than that. He was what they needed. He was a father, but more than that he was an amazing, funny, caring and attentive one. He was made to be looked up to, to be the role model children desperately needed. If Jinho could have one wish, it would be that his children grew up to be like him, as bright, cheerful but also understanding and open-minded. Jinho wished Jeonghun could see himself through his eyes at least one, to feel the love, the admiration, how his heart felt so warm looking at the three of them and understanding he had found the person he wanted to raise his children with. But this was impossible, and once again, Jinho would have to use words to explain feelings he couldn’t put words on.

“Of course they won’t! You’re their dad, not their best friend, you scolding them and telling them what is right and what is wrong is literally part of the job.” Jinho said, not sure he was using the right words, not sure he was really answering Jeonghun’s needs for reassurance, but sure of one thing: “You love them and they love you, very much. You know exactly what to do and they won’t hate you, no matter what you tell them.”

Jinho heard Jeonghun’s sniffle over the phone, the man probably whipping the few tears that had fallen on his face with his hand.

“I trust you okay?” And he really did, with his life.

Jeonghun broke the comfortable silence that had fallen over the thousands of kilometres between them with a sweet but almost careful: “Honey?”

When Jinho asked him what he wanted to say, it felt like Jeonghun hesitated for a second, not knowing what was the right thing to say after all of this. Jinho was not really surprised he settled for the most simple but comforting option “I’m sorry for bothering you in the middle of the night.”

“It’s fine.” Jinho felt his eyes getting heavier and took the pillow that was behind his back, putting it on the other side of the bed and laying down, his phone never leaving his ear. Maybe it was the tiredness speaking but Jinho felt the need to add: “I haven’t been sleeping a lot anyway.”

Jinho could feel Jeonghun getting worried just with the quick “Why?” he received from the man.

“I miss you, the three of you.” Jinho said, his voice becoming quieter, slurring his words. “I miss going to bed with you and I miss reading Hyunsang and Youngso a story before that. Everything seems cold here.” It was definitely the tiredness speaking. He could swear he was only this sappy when tired or drunk. Jeonghun would probably disagree and say something like “You’re always super sweet with me.” and put his arms around his.

“And I guess I’m just worried too.” Jinho added. “Not because I don’t trust you, just because I want to be there if something goes wrong for one of you.”

Jeonghun reminded him why he had trouble sleeping in the first place, the fact he was going back home so soon but was still in a foreign country. But then he offered to stay on the phone until Jinho fell asleep and the 35 years old man never felt so grateful for being treated like a child. He put his phone on speaker, next to his face and closed his eyes, the only sound in the room being Jeonghun’s muffled breathing. He fell asleep quicker than any day of this week spent in Germany, the last thing he heard a quiet “Good night, honey.”

Jinho entered the code of their front door, his tired hand working by itself. The apartment was silent when he entered but after a few seconds spent in the entrance, putting his shoes on the shoe rack and his coat on a hanger, he started to hear the faint sound of the TV. Taking quick steps, he went to their room to put his bags away, knowing he would be too tired to do so in a few hours.

When he finally entered the living room, he inhaled and exhaled deeply as if he had been holding his breath for too long. Jeonghun was half asleep on the couch, their children lying down next to him, their heads on his laps. Their hair were falling in front of their eyes but from the way their chest were rising and falling gently, Jinho knew they were asleep and had probably been for a while. Jinho registered Toy Story 3 playing in the background as he took the few steps between him and the couch.

Jeonghun smiled lazily at him, the corner of his mouth barely moving and all Jinho could do was stare. At him, at their children and the way they were wearing matching onesies Jinho had never seen before. Jeonghun was a lion and had put his hair in two pigtails under the hood, Youngso was the cutest cow he had ever seen and Hyunsang a little koala.

Jinho opened his mouth to joke about how decluttering couldn’t be effective if Jeonghun kept on buying clothes like this but his boyfriend talked first. “They wanted to wait for you and I couldn’t say no, but I think the park got the best of them.”

The cellist smiled and leaned forward to silently ask for a kiss. Jeonghun closed the distance between them with a real smile this time, probably fully awake after these few minutes.

“I missed you.” Jinho said in a whisper, crouching in front of the couch to run his hand in his sons’ hair and on their back. The onesies were soft, maybe he wasn’t going to say anything about them.

“Yeah, you already said that.” Jeonghun replied in a teasing tone, his eyes betraying how happy he was after hearing those words.

“No more European concerts for me, at least not for a while. I don’t think I can handle it.” Jinho got back on his feet and took Hyunsang’s sleeping body in his arms, knowing Jeonghun would follow him with Youngso to put them into bed. Even with his back turned and on his way to the bedroom, Jinho could feel Jeonghun’s eyes on him, following his every movement lovingly. He had missed that too, feeling loved, needed.

He felt his eyelids growing heavier as soon as he lied down on their bed, his head on a pillow that smelled familiar, in a room he knew every detail of, next to someone he loved. Jeonghun got closer, his freezing feet coming in contact with Jinho’s warm calves. It didn’t surprise him anymore, and he wasn’t going to complain, not tonight.

“So, how was scolding our children for the first time?” Jinho asked in a smile, directly followed by a yawn he didn’t even tried to hide behind his hand.

“Not as heartbreaking as I thought. And they don’t hate me so that’s always a plus.” Jeonghun answered, shifting again to face Jinho better. Those shining eyes he had fallen in love with a year ago were back on him, going from his hairline to the few hair growing on his chin.

That made Jinho laugh. “Of course they don’t. More than anything, it shows that you care.”

A comfortable and comforting silence fell over their room, the only sound coming from the air vent in the bathroom. “I’m proud of you.” Jinho said, his eyes already closed. He had been, and was still amazed at how quickly Jeonghun had became part of their family, becoming an amazing boyfriend and an even better dad, leaving his life behind to share their noisy and eventful one. He had been proud on so many occasions already, and would probably be on so many more. Just before he feel asleep, Jinho felt Jeonghun’s hands come over his, followed by a light squeeze and a quiet “Good night, honey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading !!! see you for the next chapter :)


End file.
